greater things

Closing Shop

2012-01-16T23:47:00.003-06:00

Dear friends,
After quite a few years blogging here, I'm closing shop. I've been journaling since I could write, and journaling online since high school. But I'm increasingly less comfortable with the internet, and also craving more real paper and ink in my life. My writing has drastically changed since studying and working in journalism, as well as blogging, and I'm hoping this change will heal that. I've been told I like/need solid "closure" in my life and making this final post is it.

I still fully support bloggers and creative, internet pursuits. A personal blog is just not for me right now.
I plan to keep up my new food blog because it's a different kind of venture. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Knowing that most of you who read this blog are my real life friends, neighbors, colleagues ... and mom!, I want to say thank you for following me to this little corner of the internet, and thank you for supporting my creativity. Truly.

Now let's go to Barnes & Noble or something :)

Birthdays!

2012-01-16T18:59:00.000-06:00

These cold months are full of new years for us.

Nov. 7 -- New year married.
Nov. 27 -- New Christian year beginning with Advent.
Jan. 1 -- New Year in the western calendar of months.
Jan. 13 -- New year of life for Jake.
Jan. 18 -- New year of life for me.

We had some friends over to celebrate the later two events.

It was a little funny asking to everyone to sing me happy birthday. But I loved dishing out the goods.

And I really love a house full of friends.
(Credit for photos of us goes to friend Colin. Which I appreciate so much!)

O Gracious Light

2012-01-13T08:52:00.003-06:00

O gracious Light,
pure brightness of the everliving Father in heaven,
O Jesus Christ, holy and blessed!
Now as we come to the setting of the sun,
and our eyes behold the vesper light,
we sing your praises, O God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
You are worthy at all times to be praised by happy voices,
O Son of God, O Giver of life,
and to be glorified through all the worlds.

We read this, the oldest recorded hymn outside the Bible, at our small group once a week. I can't think of a better way to praise God for the beauty we have in snow.
The Lord has put the idea of "purity" on my mind this month. It's something I honestly don't think much about. But I've been feeling the burden on my heart to seek cleanliness (not just righteousness or goodness) and to be free of mixed motives. The snow is such a good reminder of that. If you haven't sought purity in a while, I highly recommend it. The Lord has been so good to restore me, I want to whisper reverent proclamations to even the tiniest mite.

2012-01-11T20:38:00.003-06:00

Dark chocolate/ balsamic/ chipotle ice cream.
Bon Iver.
In a carwash.

FOOD BLOG!

2012-01-11T09:05:00.001-06:00

Hey friends, brace yourself.
I started a food blog!
I know. Me.

I don't think the link on my sidebar is working, so for now click here.

I hope you enjoy it! I'm looking to start trading recipes and such.

they were here first

2012-01-09T09:16:00.000-06:00

Good morning, Monday! Hello friends.

This is the week I ramp up and prepare for my little lovie students to come back. I'm so excited! Excited that they are coming, and thankful that my energy is coming back to me. I took off nearly two weeks because I had so exhausted myself last semester. And yesterday morning, while visiting a very high church I felt myself slipping even further into the winter blues. But there's nothing to keep you present, clinging to reality, like three loud gongs and incense. Thank you Lord!

I have hopes for this week.

Regarding my personal goal for 2012, I hope to pray about when peace is important, and when feeling displaced or stretched is okay.

Regarding work, I hope to pray for fresh vision from God, and a fresh love for the campus.

And let's be honest, I hope to keep thinking about the last 10th of Mockingjay.

spend my life

2012-01-06T22:33:00.002-06:00

I'm finding this song to be a sweet lullaby tonight.

In a culture that values infidelity and greed,
this song surrounds my mind with romantic montages of a dedicated life together.

another reason for pancakes. another tradition forming.

2012-01-05T16:09:00.000-06:00

We had Zach and Elspeth over on the first day of the year for pancakes! Jake's family celebrates almost everything with a batch of Swedish pancakes, so it was real homey to share another tradition with our friends.

Also, it's a lot of fun to have Zach around to take pictures of Jake and me in our home.

Zach is really good at capturing all my faces, he's been doing it for years. He can capture me looking like a beauty in window light one moment ...

And also like the slinky animal I can be in the next moment, clinging to/hanging off furniture during conversation ...

After breakfast and much chilling, we went to church, and came back (this time to their house) for movies and pizza. THEN I woke up at 4 am to begin a rousing bout of stomach flu. I don't mean to be selfish ... if it was anyone's desire to lose a few pounds this year, I'd be happy to send the virus your way. Just let me know!

OK, happy new year again! Cheers.

new year's eve in my swishy skirt

2012-01-04T10:48:00.000-06:00

This was our second time ringing in the new year with friends Vince & Amanda. I knew I wanted to wear something fancy, and it made the night so much more fun.
Also, having a dapper husband helps! I had hearts in my eyes all night.
Amanda is an amazing hostess. I'm always taking notes from her about hosting parties. We had a shiny evening dancing and playing with friends. And I resolved to use the phrase "auld lang syne" throughout the year.

checkin in

2012-01-02T09:00:00.000-06:00

Hello 2012! Is anyone out there? I'm writing from inside the cave of our staycation. It's been blissful. Contents include winter walks (love), home repair, and loungin' around. I thought I'd check in on a few things.

One thing I love about our new home is how this console changes with the seasons. Lately it's been feeling very full of love from friends and family.

And speaking of that gorgeous wood flooring ... It needs to be swept about four times a day. I can only keep up with one (maybe two on a good day) sweeps, and since I do not like getting dusty bits on my feet, my solution is to just wear slippers.

Our home is ever changing (see cute new hanging mugs) but one thing that never goes away is dirty dishes. I do like consistency. Also, I really love my neighbors. One of them has a cool roof right out our window and if it ever snows again I'll show you how pretty it all looks.

The most exciting bit of news is that I have to update my passport this year, because I'm going on a really special exciting trip this summer! More on that later.

And this week has been brought to you kiddos by the sentence, "Jake, we have everything!" I seriously feel too blessed. Who chose me for the charmed life, that's what I'd like to know. It does help to exclaim it every once in a while. And I don't mean to brag. In fact I think if you looked around, you might find that you, too, have everything.

2011-12-30T16:27:00.000-06:00

2 0 1 1

2011-12-30T09:30:00.000-06:00

J A N

F E B

M A R

A P R

M A Y

J U N

J U L

A U G

S E P

O C T

N O V

D E C

this was the year we started in a 250 sq. ft. studio (and thinking i was probably leaving ministry) ... and ended in our first home, a 850 sq. ft. condo (with a new sense of calling and 4 year commitment!)

PS:
December 2010 deserves a shout out for this

And then there was ALL of us!

2011-12-28T09:30:00.000-06:00

Christmas morning with mom.
And Christmas evening with her parents ... where ALL of the cousins/grand kids/great grand kids were present (except for one cousin and her children.)
It was a nuthouse, I think even for us!

Singing the 12 Days of Christmas:

My beautiful momma:

A couch of all middle and youngest children:

And ALL of us:

Sista Claus is coming to town!

2011-12-21T22:54:00.002-06:00

She's here! She's here! My little, tiny, baby sister is here.
And by no help of mine!
While company was on the way Tuesday night, I was frantically picking up our house and was Jake cooking away ... I got a text from that girl saying she was boarding her last plane to Chicago and what kind of car should she be looking for at the airport. Um. Oops! Sista girl I thought you were coming Wednesday!

Well I can really only apologize and say thanks, because I've loved having an extra day with Morgan! We went downtown on Wednesday.

Macy's window display. Christkindlmarket. Chilly weather. Sisters. The Bean. Zoo Lights. Cook County Building. Booming heart with festive joy. Check!

"this is my Father's world

2011-12-15T15:53:00.000-06:00

... Why should my heart be sad?"

The voice of my colleague, brother, neighbor, singing next to me.
His deep, seasoned life supporting every syllable sent me home with these thoughts.

From a week about inclusion in our movement.

For me, it boils down to this: We need each other.
People of the world, from different backgrounds and life stories need each other. It sanctifies us to be close with people who are different than us. And beyond the conflicts of difference (or sometimes interspersed with them) there is rejoicing and completion. Why? Because it reminds us of home ... heaven. The book of Revelation tells us that heaven will be full of rejoicing, not monocultural rejoicing, but a party that represents every corner of the world.

But yes, there are conflicts. Obstacles sometimes. Propellers at others. But especially in my background (white suburbia) conflicts are obstacles. In my background, difference is troublesome, that's what we learned in the 50s and 60s. So we don't talk about difference, we talk about how we're all basically the same. A half-truth in my opinion.

So ... what if conflict never had a negative connotation?
Can you imagine?
What if we rejoiced in conflict because it enlightened us and it unearthed the truth?

I learned this wonderful analogy of driving. In the west, we drive with lanes painted on our roads. Everyone is expected to follow those rules. And if they don't, they get honked at. But in places like India, where the are no lanes, you have to honk to let people know where you're going. Honking is helpful! This makes me laugh because it's so true. For my people, noisy interjections are startling correctors. For other people, noisy interjections are proactive responsibilities!

So which one is right?
No.
Both and.
We need each other.

Because I don't know who I am without learning who you are. I don't know I'm a sinner unless Jesus came to save. I don't know that I prefer driving with lanes painted on the road until I hear that in some places there are no lanes. And personally, deeply, I've learned so much about myself--what to celebrated and what to redeem--in the context of a diverse community in partnership.

If heaven is home, and heaven is to be sought first, and if heaven is coming to earth, and if heaven is a party of sanctified, diverse people. Let's get the party started.

"The Lord is King--let the heavens ring. God reigns--let the earth be glad."

and just as precious

2011-12-14T09:00:00.000-06:00

Saturday, April 07, 2007

I was on my own most of Tuesday, until we went
downtown to see Jersey Boys. I didn't take too many
pictures, I mostly spent time around the tourist grave-yard
known as Pier 39. It was good for people watching.
I liked having some alone time and I even made a friend.
The show was great and I had an incredible dessert.

We took many many many pictures Wednesday.
My dad and I each brought our cameras out,
because it was our last day and we're sentimental folk.
The fence pictures are of us attempting to get into a
construction area of Ghirardelli Square where our
fountain is that we traditionally take our picture with.
*
Something I didn't share earlier was about my trip to Peet's Coffee.
My dad used to be a regular "bencher" and now, ten years later, we
went back and his old gang still sits outside the coffee shop and talks
(and talks and talks and talks)!
Most of them are white haired, my dad is the youngest of the gang.
He ditched me for a while after one of his trips into the coffee shop
and I stayed outside to talk for about an hour, alone. The really cool
thing is how I never had to get up or start a conversation, different people
just came to me. Probably because I was a guest. As feckless as this all
may sound, it actually changed my life. Some of the people I spoke with
had such extreme opinions and came off very smart, had I not been a
little guarded, it would have been easy to fall for what they were saying. I
still think what they said was very valuable but I find many rebuts. The
life changing part was how I was challenges to listen to very intelligent people,
but hold my own and stick up for what I believe in, without being a jerk.
I left three hours later, completely speechless.
*

And I have a great story that happened five hours before
our flight was set to take off. So, we think we found the perfect
parkins spot. Two hours free for 8am-4pm and 6pm-9pm. It
being two, we figured it was free until four, didn't count again until
six and then free until eight. WRONG. We come back at five thirty
only to see a completely empty street. It was towed.To wrap this
up, we took a very speedy cab ride to the car pound and paid
$188.25 to get the car back. Add another $60 for the ticket,
and with cab fair... my dad said that was the fastest $300 he
had ever spent. However, my dad is trying to pretend that he

didn't get the car towed, the rental company did. So I'm going to
pretend that I didn't lock the keys in the car on Friday, but the rental
company did that, too :)

almost 5 years ago

2011-12-13T09:00:00.000-06:00

Monday, April 02, 2007

SATURDAY, SUNDAY AND MONDAY.

Saturday I had french toast that was out of this world!
Then the hippies took me to The Crocker Museum which
inspired me a great deal. I've now got tons of ideas about
what to do with my millions of pictures
AND how to paint my bathroom. (I know, Olivia, finally!)
Soon after the museum, we hit the road. More breathtaking
scenery on the way to Calistoga, because it's the wine country.

We stayed at a very nice hotel with a spa and such, but I took a bath
because I forgot my bathingsuit. This just isn't usually the type of vacation
where I bring my bathingsuit.

Sunday, we left wine country and headed into SFO.
On the way we stopped in Sausalito, which is the most picturesque
little city on the bay. Being a huge tourist location, I loved being immersed
in a pool of languages and very European looking families.
The whole city is stretched right along the water with a great view of
the bridge and Alcatraz. And a man was balancing rocks on the shore
without any glue! I had coconut sorbet and that made my afternoon!
Next stop was across the Golden Gate and into Ghirardelli Square.
A funny panhandler was on the corner. Last year he played jazz sax,
this year he was rapping and although it was cute, he was too forceful
for my taste (...in the art of bumming?)

My dad is becoming vastly interested in art galleries. It's fun. But he buys so
many of their books saying "Oh! Somebody will enjoy this." He says
the books are coffee table art - yet, our only coffee table is still being used
as a home for our little Christmas tree. (A real tree, yes. I'll expand another time.)

Today is Monday. We plan on doing the windows for our house on Poplar.
It's going to be a non-vacationy day. That's fine with me :)

Editor's notes:

I love reading my old writing. I remember showing my dad Death Cab for Cutie on the drive through wine country, via some pretty poor radio reception. Also, I never bring my bathing suits on vacation, still 4.5 years later. I don't quite know why.

let's go back to 18

2011-12-12T09:00:00.000-06:00

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Joy of Jetlag

The tough stuff:

Jetlag killed us.We left MI at four in the morning and got to CA before eleven in the morning.I mean it is great great great to pick right up and start our day.But all the coffee, light eating and lack of sleep forced my will power to pick up the slack that my muscles left.

I find it best to simply push on, go to bed a little early

and get right on schedule.

We kept the day low key,

visited my first elementary school (which is very sentimental for me),visited Main St. Coffee (more childhood sentimentality),we found the Nothing But Noodles equivalent of Mexian food,and took a walk around some little San Carlos shops.I even got a jog in :)

It's almost eight here, and ten something back home. Bed soon.

Love to everyone, my condolences for your attendance in school.I'm so so so ecstatic to be here!

Friday, March 30, 2007

Yesterday and today.

Fabulous, fabulous, fabulous!

Let's see ... My dad has a lead foot and it kind of scared me in the mountains.

We're adventuring plenty and seeing lots of familiar faces.

Thursday was a trip through the mountains to Santa Cruz.

On the way we stopped for a favorite breakfast at the infamous Alice's. We also took Highway 1, in all of its cliff and beachy splendor.The drive is so beautiful and I hadn't gotten my new sunblock so I gotsome sun for the first time in years. (By now, I've found some spf 50.)

On Friday we drove up to see friends in Sacramento.

I went antiquing and actually found these darling starfish ear rings. That drive was not so fun because the traffic was terrible. But dinnerand a night in the city's Old Town was great fun. That fun dragon househas, apparently, been a project in the making for about 20 years. Verycool. Nothing like staying the night in a real home, either. Especiallywhen the home is owned and fully decorated by a couple of trinket-loving,yard-sale-going, organic using hippies.

At home or far away, I hope you're having an adventure!

loYULEacappella

2011-12-06T08:03:00.000-06:00

Where we went:

Who we are:

Who we saw:

How rockin' they were:

And the truth that it was probably the highlight of my holiday season. Already. Enjoy!

Thanksgiving Holiday

2011-12-05T09:00:00.000-06:00

Welcome on in!
After the Turkey Trot we had a slow morning preparing for all of the family to come over.

My favorite part of the day was walking out to the pasture with Jake and his brother to pet the horses. Though the sun slowly set, I had no sense of time.

A Post For Today

2011-12-02T16:22:00.001-06:00

Today is a good day. It's a little dimmer, a little earlier.
But I got to sleep in. And then see a darling student. And then finally visit the natural food store in Rogers Park. Bulk pumpkin seeds and unbleached flour are good things.
And smelling the smell of natural grocery stores, that same smell in every one of them (what it is?) is a good thing.
And now cinnamon tea, it's a very good thing.

Steam these days is the real commodity. I put the kettle on and thank God. I open the dishwasher with great delight. Let steam roll into this house, I say.

"Nobody writes unless they have to."
That's what I heard Judy Bloom say on the radio.
I can say it's true for me.

And now I'm looking forward to dinner with friends who also happen to be coworkers.
And I get to drive windy on these streets I've loved for years.
I am a grateful, grateful woman.

The only thing I can safely say would make my day would be some pinecones with glitter. But no ... let's just hold on.

Deliverer

2011-11-30T08:02:00.000-06:00

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Before we left for this trip to Montana, I spent three days at staff training for InterVaristy. At the end of those days, I expressed to my colleagues that I didn't know what to expect in the upcoming semester with my work. I was changing jobs and the element of the unknown was daunting to me, it was oppressive. A colleague and friend prayed that prayer above, from Isaiah 40, for me. Reminding me that sometimes we walk with the Lord, sometimes we run, and sometimes He just carries us over our mountains, on wings like eagles.

And now recently, on a staff retreat, we were asked to reflect for a few hours on what characteristic of God we've experienced this season. It only took a few minutes to realize ... Deliverer. God has been my deliverer this semester. Those unknown obstacles that loomed months ago, I actually watched blossom into delicate flowers which only need be loved.

Of course there are deeper issues at hand. But it feels the mountain ground is below me now. God soared me over boulders and for now we are walking together.

Maybe the fact that I read the Old Testament this summer is coloring how I see God. But I think that's how it's supposed to work. We read the Word of God to know God better so when He moves in our life, we are better able to see it. These passages have been my support this semester: "Is the arm of the Lord too short?", "The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still."

Christ is my deliverer. Over mountains in ministry, through danger on the streets, bringing me to a new place, and in providing for my every need.

(A friend showed me this song and it compliments my story well.)

I am glad to remember all the things God has done for me, all the ways He has revealed Himself to me. I do believe God is beyond our comprehension, but I also believe He wants to be known. He shows His face to be known and loved.

Pre-Thanksgivinging

2011-11-25T13:23:00.001-06:00

I love family. I love vacation. I love coming home to the country.
On our first day in Iowa with Jake's family, we visited his great grandfather's home which Jake's family recently re-acquired. The home and land are so full of memories. It's really neat to have so much family history in such a concentrated area.

Then we went grocery shopping as a whole family for our Thanksgiving ingredients. I made homemade macaroni and cheese, some pie crusts, and a chocolate-pear tart all for my contribution.

We got a really nice Christmas tree, too.

And the morning of Thanksgiving we woke up at 6:30 (yes) to run the Turkey Trot! It was a really good way to work up an appetite.

Might I suggest ...

2011-11-25T11:53:00.000-06:00

for your next dinner party

a baked apple for each guest, stuffed with cranberry sauce, and a dollop of whipped cream?

1. Slice the top of the apple and core it. I used a knife, some cross-slice technique and a spoon.
2. Make cranberry sauce on the stove by boiling and adding cinnamon and ginger.
3. Stuff and bake for an hour at 375 degrees. (You can go for a higher temperature and lower time but I think slow roasting is the key.) Put some water in the bottom of the baking dish, too.
4. Whip a cup of cream with some sugar, vanilla and a tiny bit of orange extract.
5. Compile and enjoy.

As I said, it came to me like a dream.

I hope your Thanksgiving was sparkly.
I love Thanksgiving! We ran the Turkey Trot yesterday morning and I plan on staying homeside all day today to keep time moving slow. This is my favorite holiday.

Chicago Lights

2011-11-22T09:05:00.000-06:00

I have this thing for lights. Uh! In a good way. And for Thanksgiving in the city, and the holiday season beginning, Advent, and special dates downtown, and city lights and dressed windows. Uh! I'm a goner.

You see, I think there's nothing more romantic than Thanksgiving and Christmas and all the weeks in between. Nothing. And celebrating Advent might be half the reason I'm Anglican. Maybe.

We had a magnificent evening downtown during the lights festival and just ask my friends, I jumped with excitement like a little kid. I want to make all of the photos in this post huge just to represent how marvelous and grand it was.

Then just as our little bellies began to growl and the crowds began pushing in too tight, we ducked into Big Bowl, which had a table just waiting for us.

PS: I finally convinced Jake to join me in the buffalo plaid trend. My dream come true! No ... this is my dream come true, three Jakes!
(Of course I'm kidding. One Jacob Cole is more than enough for me.)

Lately I'm ...

2011-11-21T07:58:00.000-06:00

- drinking spinach smoothies every morning.

- working on a Christmas project with my darling Jake.

- working a lot, which resulted in sleeping for 12 hours straight last weekend!

- reading The Hunger Games. On book 3. And getting excited for the movie.

- and just finished reading the Old Testament.

- loving ARADHNA worship music. God made the world and He said it was good. I am coming to understand that more and more. The world, the people, the languages and cultures. It is so good.

- on the topic of worship music, I'm also loving Fred Hammond.

- working on my bucket list. So far I have: write a children's book, write a short story, take pastry classes.

*post inspired by Stacey.

The Scalettas for dinner

2011-11-19T14:34:00.000-06:00

My best friend Olivia's sister Amanda lives in Chicago too. Her husband Vince, and their boys came over for dinner last night. We had an absolute blast. I can honestly say I think the Scaletta boys are the cutest little kids I know. And Vince and Amanda are such good parents, they are amazing to watch.

I served some classic spaghetti and a baked apple dessert that I'm really proud of. It just came to me ... like a dream ... or more like a craving.

We had such a fun time playing with the boys and catching up with their parents. Thanks for coming over Scalettas, for the yummy scones and your friendship!

2011-11-17T07:57:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I find my relationship to this world is rather insane.

You're either terribly discontent with the passing materials of life, or you're drowning in heavy gratitude for everything you have. It's pretty horrible. But I think this is indeed how God created us to be.

Joy reminds us that heaven is real, and pain reminds us that we're not in heaven yet.
(Someone else said that first.)

AND THEN brian came!

2011-11-14T11:35:00.000-06:00

I couldn't be more proud of this guy. Not just because he stared in the region's premiere Tarzan musical ... or because he studied at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art ... but for who he is. We've been best friends for more than six years now and it's been my joy to watch him grow into the person he is today. Thank you for calling me up, Brian. Thank you for keeping me in your life.

friends, food, fall

2011-11-11T11:36:00.001-06:00

I'm definitely the "work hard, play hard" type. Which is why its good to have such good friends so close. Zach and Elspeth really out did it at our last family dinner. They've done a fabulous job making their apartment a home, and they filled out bellies with deliciousness in three courses! I am thankful to have such a cozy place to visit within walking distance of our home.(Sorry for the blurry pictures but I'm allergic to flash.)

This season just keeps getting more true. Autumn is honest. It gets colder and colder, so you have to turn inward and face yourself.Also, here's some music I've been loving lately. It's fitting.

Edith comes to town

2011-11-10T09:32:00.001-06:00

I don't recall how much I've written about my musical theater past ... but let's say it's a big one. When I think about high school memories, many of them come from within the walls of my school, but even more come from the open air of Grand Rapids and being ridiculous with the friends I made doing theater. We all went to different high schools, but we saw each other more than we saw any other friends. We did things like dance in parking lots and make videos. I was a full-fledge theater geek. And proud of it.

One of those amazing friend from high school (middle school really) is Edith. Look at this face folks, because you're going to be seeing it on stage in New York soon. Edith is a dancer, an amazing dancer. She was in Chicago a few weeks ago and called me up. I loved loved loved seeing her. Again, it feels good to be around people who knew you back then.

This was the weekend I made 3 dozen chocolate chip cookies (with a dash of cinnamon is how I like them) and I literally ate them morning, noon, and night.

Edith was so obliging to pose for me in these photos. I couldn't help it, she's just too cute. And it means a lot to me to have old friends over in my new house. I feel integrated.

In order to make this a fully rounded post, I must share this video with you and this photo:

That's my girl.

"so that my house will be full."

2011-11-08T11:14:00.005-06:00

My work is to bring the Kingdom of God to the university. For the sake of these people, and for the sake of the world they graduate into. And even now, for the campus where they live.

People say it can't be done. People say they will break your heart. Some people (including me) sometimes believe doing ministry makes you holy. Of course the truth is it can be done with God; broken hearts are worth it; and holy work doesn't come from holy people ... it makes holy people.

We took a fall retreat last weekend. It was great!

I came home to church and my pastor said "The best way to stay awake is to be trying to keep others awake." I know what he means. In my first year of ministry I was so afraid of the responsibility. I have the potential to dangerously lead people astray. So I commit myself to memorizing scripture. It's my number one tool in the tool belt. I put my confidence in the Bible and from there I teach. And I of course I learn along the way too. I am staying awake to God because I'm trying to wake others awake!

This is my job, to invite all people into the family of God.

“Then the master told his servant,

‘Go out to the roads and country lanes and compel them to come in,

so that my house will be full.'"

Luke 14:23

Marriage-versary the 2nd

2011-11-07T07:47:00.000-06:00

Today is our second anniversary of being married! Which means tomorrow begins our third year being married!

Since Jake surprised me with an awesome first anniversary trip, I wanted to surprise him this year. We took off a day of work last week and skipped town.

I picked him up from work at 10 in the morning and drove for an hour. I said "goodbye city" and he asked "what?" I said "it's going to be another hour but we have snacks in the back." I also packed him a change of clothes. He guessed where we were going, but at least I kept this trip secret of mine last longer than his did last year.

We listened to Explosions in the Sky and La Quiete on the way and landed at Starved Rock. We arrived and walked for hours. We talked about nothing important. Besides the plot of a book we're both reading. It was so quiet. I loved the cold wind and his warm face. I wonder what in the world this year will bring. And I can't wait.

Happy second anniversary, dearest.

hunkering down

2011-11-02T11:04:00.001-05:00

Tis the season to hunker down, I'm finding. There's a lot going on. Outside of me, yes. But mostly inside of me. There's a lot I need to tend to, buried deep in my heart. It's come to my attention that some bad habits must die here. I'll never be perfect, but I can be sanctified. This month begins a strong turn of events for my little soul. No more anxiety, no more fear, no more unconfessed sin.

When life gets busy I am guilty, guilty, guilty of neglecting my self. And that cannot be any longer. So I welcome a season of care, peace, and cleansing.

November, welcome old friend. You bring us many celebrations and we're glad you're here.
We have work to do.

Love-iversary the 4th

2011-10-27T11:38:00.000-05:00

Let's pick up our story from where we left off. It was a Monday morning, they were walking to breakfast, holding hands, and they were official. Dating. Together. Going steady. But they had never yet kissed.

Now the boy in this story is a real gentleman. So hold your breath ... it would be a full five days of dating before the boy would kiss the girl. She was not the kind of girl who would make the first move. And she quite liked being wooed.

Five days after deciding to be in a relationship, the boy and girl dressed up for a Halloween party (as Roxie and Billy from the musical Chicago). They left the party a little early because the boy wanted to go on an adventure. It felt much like a movie. Their perfectly coiffed selves running around downtown streets spotted with pools of yellow light from the street lamps.

They landed on the steps that bridge over the train tracks in Grant Park. He had been thinking about it for a few days. He loved her. And he told her. And she loved him right back. So when he leaned in to kiss her, she was thrilled and went for it too ... clink! Their teeth made a classic crash into each other. They laughed and proceeded to have the first smooch.

From that day on, October 27 would always be celebrated as the anniversary of their love.

All Time Fave

2011-10-24T09:38:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking lately about constancy. The things that have constantly been in my life. Other than my family and best friends, hardly anything has stayed the same in my life. Not towns, homes, schools, family situations. But occasionally things come along, and stick. Like Jesus. Coffee and baking. And Jake. (Clearly not comparables). There are also some bands that I'd consider lifetime partners. My all time favorites.

I define "all time favorites" as bands that I can listen to at any time of day, in any season of the year, and in any point in life. Here they are:

Date-iversary the 4th

2011-10-22T09:30:00.000-05:00

In the beginning ... there was a girl who lived in a tower in downtown Chicago, and a boy who waited in the lobby of that tower nearly every day. Sometimes twice. They spent so much time together that their hearts filled filled filled with desire until those hearts grew so big that they overlapped! A nice little spot where their hearts partly coincided in time. A space in which to grow. The boy went home one weekend, thought about things, came back and said, "I'm ready if you are." They were holding hands, walking in morning sunlight, and they were official.

That was four years ago today!

Now this is what he loos like:

And this is what I look like:

This is where I sometimes daydream we might live one day:

We like any reason to celebrate so we started with a coffee lunch date yesterday.

I asked Jake, "What have you learned after being in a committed relationship for four years?"
"That it can still be really fun."
And my answer, "To be truly selfless, not a pouting martyr."

I'm happy to report, that overlapping heart space has only grown grown grown.

A cozy combination

2011-10-21T07:55:00.000-05:00

Friends. Hot cocoa. The Book of Common Prayer.

You're Going to Love This

2011-10-15T14:26:00.001-05:00

Is it just me or are weekends more tiring than the week? Oh silly introvert. But I can't help it. I love my friends. They are hilarious. You're going to love this ... I call it "geisha by Alexa."

Alexa and I go way back.
To high school.
To AP Psychology junior year.
I love having her here in the city now, I feel a bit more whole to have someone around who knew me then. It reminds me of where I come from.

We had family dinner with Z&E per usual last week, and also invited Alexa and Catlin. I love inviting people to my home. All the time.

PS: Remember Mogwai? I do. Oh high school.

I Miss Mexico

2011-10-14T10:06:00.000-05:00

I recently discovered the fun of clicking backward on my friends' facebook photo tags, to see the original oldie-but-goodies. I found these of myself in Mexico, and they brought be back instantly. I do wish I had my own photos, but once upon a time I was anti-photography and the way it takes over a present moment. Yes, even while studying abroad. So here they are, all I have:

1. my short hair

2. the sun

tepotzlan:

3. a strange man asked us if we spoke spanish and if we wanted a photo with his daughter

4. walking to find the campground

5. setting up camp for my friends (I didn't stay. I had a weird feeling about the place and took a midnight bus home.)

6. setting up camp

7. dancing with chinelos

8. horchata in our school cafe

9. field trip

10. field trip

11. the walk from school to the bus stop

12. a view of Cuernavaca, where we stayed and studied

13. a chapel we visited in D.F.

PS: Thank you friends for your facebook photos.

Now, the trouble with falling in love with one country is that it prevents you from seeing other places. I was in Mexico twice in 2009 and I missed it a lot these past two years. Jake and I are saving for another trip elsewhere but it's taking some self control to not redirect our travels south.

The Road Home

2011-10-11T09:45:00.001-05:00

Fall colors, sailboats, family.

Autumn in Chicago: guest post by Paper Armour

2011-10-06T12:24:00.003-05:00

I love Chicago.

I love autumn.

I love the real people I know who blog.

So I combined all of these things to create a lovely series of real, Chicago, falltime celebration happiness!

My final guest post for you comes from a dear friend and (now) neighbor! Jake and I have dinner with Elspeth and her husband almost every Sunday. Our conversations are usually about something creative, and I'm so thankful for that. It's no surprise to me that these two made a video. Welcome to our world!

I lived my entire life in Massachusetts before moving to Chicago for college and my family goes back way way way back in the history of New England. So a love for Autumn runs in my blood. It's no surprise to me that Autumn is most people's favorite season, it's so beautiful!It has been hard to adjust to Chicago Autumns though (this is my fifth Autumn away.) They're different and make me more homesick than any other time of year. I have been told that Graceland Cemetery has beautiful Autumn foliage, but haven't ever made the trip to see it. What I do instead is take refuge in the Lurie Garden in Millennium Park.

The garden is surrounded by seriously tall evergreen trees that do their best to block out sound, but you still know you're in a city. I love the contradictory nature of the Lurie Garden, they're a refuge and a haven, yet not quite. It feels small and huge at the same time, because it's designed in such a way that you feel enclosed, and then you turn a corner and expect to be walking out of the garden, and OH MY! There's more garden! It's called a "garden" but it rarely has big swaths of colorful flowers. Instead it usually has many varieties of decorative grasses and wildflowers that look manicured and overgrown at the same time. It's even beautiful in the winter, which is quite a feat for any garden.Bring a book and a hot beverage, wear a sweater, and enjoy the haven you've just found.

I wanted to fill this post with photos of the garden, but my husband did me one better. He made an awesome video of our trip there! Don't worry, it's short and sweet.

Lurie Garden from Zach Harris on Vimeo.

photo creditvia

breakfast & sleepover

2011-10-05T13:08:00.000-05:00

Post-party breakfast ... at around 2 pm.

After breakfast, the womenfolk got lazy on the couch (I love friends I can be lazy with) while our gents practiced musix.

And that night, the little ones I babysit came to my house for once.
Jake spent the night elsewhere but in the morning when he came back, we played "jail" and this is how they set him up:

paaaaaartay for warmth

2011-10-03T10:25:00.000-05:00

Oh my gosh our house is so warm after this Friday. If you know what I mean.

Jamie and Elspeth spent the night. (And I had an after-party on facebook with my neighbor who was locked out at 3 am woot.) But I cracked a joke the next morning like, "Man our house is so warm." And Elspeth said, "It's because of all the bodies who were in it." And Jake said, "I figured out how to close the window finally." And then I had to be like, "That was a joke people."

Autumn in Chicago: guest post by Paiges [of] Books

2011-09-28T11:31:00.000-05:00

I love Chicago.

I love autumn.

I love the real people I know who blog.

So I combined all of these things to create a lovely series of real, Chicago, falltime celebration happiness!

My treat for you today comes from Paige. She is a good friend, one of those women you can't help but laugh and smile and let loose around. I love all of her ideas, this post included ...

Autumn has been and always will be my favorite season. It is a season of trust. The trees let go of their leaves and prepare for winter, trusting that they will survive the cold and be renewed come springtime. Autumn in the country is grand, with its brilliant palette of colors fashioning the trees between September and November. I used to believe that during the harvest months the men were drawn to the field just as Ulysses’ men were drawn to the sirens. They are gone sun up to sun down, and sometimes later. Shelling corn and beans is a tireless job. When I was younger it was always a treat to take lunch to my grandfather in his John Deere combine, and even at the age of twenty-four I still hope he will offer to let me ride with him for a while through the field, following the rows of corn as if we were carefully cutting with scissors along the lines of our artwork. The dry corn is my grandfather’s masterpiece, each year a different piece of work, each with its own difficulties. Autumn in the city took some getting used to. I could no longer keep track of the passing days by the disappearing fields of dry corn. The chill in the air catches my attention and makes me take hold of my sweaters, the sun sets earlier and my commute home from work slowly grows darker. The harvest ales and pumpkin flavored everything celebrate the change in season. Instead of hearing flip-flops I will soon hear crunching leaves. I will have to remember to grab a jacket, and scarves will once again become my favorite accessory. I love the college football games, the small town parades, the marching bands, the bon-fires, the caramel apples, the haunted hayrides, and the anticipation of Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday). One of my favorite autumn traditions is taking a walk with a dear friend from college. This year will mark our fifth Halloween walk – we first would walk around our college town photographing the changing trees, finding our favorite homes, and kicking through piles of leaves. Now we are miles apart, but we still make an effort to grab our phones and cameras and take a walk while catching up. I can’t wait to see what photos we’ll end up with this fall! I definitely encourage you to take a late afternoon walk and see how the autumn sunset makes everything gold.

Autumn in Chicago: guest post by All This Grace and Charm

2011-09-27T10:56:00.000-05:00

I love Chicago.

I love autumn.

I love the real people I know who blog.

So I combined all of these things to create a lovely series of real, Chicago, falltime celebration happiness!

I found Carly Anne's blog when she posted a tour of Chicago elsewhere. Since then we've connected on similar views of city life and even the same alma mater. Her ideas for experiencing fall in Chicago are almost as bold as she is ...

via

Fall is easily my favorite season in Chicago.

My autumn allegiance, I'd say, is partially in response to a ~~hipster~~ affinity for the nostalgic and too many years spent in vintage apartments so charmingly in tact that their wiring systems allowed for nary a window air conditioner.

Anyway, among the fall activities that I enjoy most is the Nettelhorst French Market, held each Saturday through November first at Broadway and Melrose.

I used to attend as a single gal, when I lived directly across the street. And, while I can't recommend that single gals--especially of the neurotic variety--visit, less they be rushed into an ohmygosh I'm going to die alone kind of panic at the site of married folks picking out bunches of flawless chrysanthemums and jugs of organic apple cider, I can confidently say that the whole scene is charming and allows one to purchase loads of fall produce without breaking the bank.

I highly recommend.

Autumn in Chicago: guest post by Burned Memories

2011-09-26T13:58:00.003-05:00

I love Chicago.
I love autumn.
I love the real people I know who blog.
So I combined all of these things to create a lovely series of real, Chicago, falltime celebration happiness!

This first post is by a friend I know through InterVarsity. She was technically a student of mine, but I've learned so much from her myself. I find Rachel to be darling, sophisticated and wonderfully goofy, and I'm sure you will too ...

via

Taylor asked me to write something for her near the end of August, I was honored that she considered my blog substantial enough to be on the list of people to be asked to contribute. Hopefully the fact that I'm writing this now, a week and a half after the due date, about 4 days even after the extended due date that she gave me doesn't demerit this thought.

So, here I am, late as has a constant (and troublesome) theme throughout my life, writing about what I'm excited about for fall. And in all honesty I will explain why I was late in writing this: I didn't know what to say. Of all the wonderful, new things to do in the fall I couldn't come up with one to write about. Everything I came up with was either too far away to be feasible, not Chicago-y enough, or too expensive for me to do. So instead, I bring you a list of the little things that make me exuberantly excited that fall is finally here.

1. Dressing in layers. I am currently wearing a three-quarter length shirt, a tee shirt, a sweater, and jeans. Upon going outside (a daily requirement for me), I will add a jacket, a scarf, a mocasins. I love the millions of options that you get with the opportunity to layer clothes on top of each other. It brings a mix of textures, fabrics and weights. It also builds up to me wearing my new winter jacket purchased this past summer (long story).
2. Apples and apple flavored things. This is sort of a summer into fall kind of thing, but dosen't apple pie and apple cider just scream of autumn? If you're into pumpkin (I'm not), then this is also the perfect season for that. The species like cinnamon and nutmeg bring the perfect amount of warmth to go with the chill in the air.
3. Tea. I've become absolutely obsessed with tea. And fall is when I make the switch back to hot tea from all the iced tea I've been drinking all summer. I was also just introduced to Argo Tea, a starbucks-like tea cafe near my apartment. They have cold tea drinks and hot tea drinks and loose leaf tea to be poured from those canisters that you find in grocery stores or candy stores where you press down on the lever to fill a bag with dry tea to be purchased by the pound.
4. School starting again. If life were Harry Potter I would be a Ravenclaw (still waiting to register for Pottermore to confirm that one). I love school and honestly I'm not sure what I'm going to do in the fall between graduating collage and (one day) having kids. It will become a very awkward time of year.
5. Packing lunches again. School starting again means that at least twice a week I pack myself lunch or dinner to eat on campus. Having learned from my Mom's fantastic homemade lunches I pack a lot of food and always have something in a thermos. I've got two, one for a hot main dish and one for tea (!!) with a “cafe top”. Omnomnomnom.
6. The juxtaposition of the new things sprouting up, and the weather dying out. This one's a little more thematic and less physical. I love the growth that I see through people in school, though the new ideas and new opportunities that continue to pop up throughout the season, I especially love how this is all happening amidst the “death” if you will that fall is. As much as I think this is the most beautiful season, the only reason that the leaves change colors and the season turns is because of the death that is happening in nature around us. It's a beautiful death, but a death nonetheless.
7. The colors! This death doesn't make me stop appreciating the beautiful colors. The leaves change into glorious reds, oranges, and yellows that I have the privilege of getting to see on my walk to class every morning. I love the chance to see the season change which I feel can be harder to see in other season transitions.
8. Being back in Chicago! For me Fall means moving back to Chicago to start school. During the summer and pretty much any time I'm not in Chicago I live in San Francisco. I love the change of scenery and the different setting of Chicago. Back home I live in a nearly suburban neighborhood whereas here in Chicago I am in the heart of the city. It's a great change of pace and I'm always happy to be in this wonderful city.
9. The perfect biking weather. I don't know what more to say about this. Fall in Chicago bring the perfect biking weather, hands down. The perfect amount of chill in the air so I don't boil, but not so much that I freeze.

There we have it, all the reasons that Fall in Chicago is amazing. A part of me wants to think of something else so that there can be an even ten, but nine is my favorite number, so I think I'll leave it at that.

A Friday

2011-09-23T09:00:00.000-05:00

This is the last one. And my face is in this one.

Sometimes I drink coffee for too long and forget to eat breakfast! I know it's awful. This morning I had a mediocre "breakfast" before running out to lunch on campus.

Then it was downtown for me, for the next 9 hours.

Drug deal:

Me looking all important at incarnation:

Staff meeting after our event, at Millers Pub:

We got home after 1 am!
I am not going to even tell you how late I slept in the next day.

A Thursday

2011-09-22T09:26:00.000-05:00

After a few 12-13 hour days, I usually am able to slow things down by Thursday. I took this morning easy. Can you believe that lovely tree out my new window?

I got to do a lot of walking this day. To work on campus, running some errands in the neighborhood, and back home.

Finally Jake and I both had an evening home. He usually cooks, thankfully! I try to be a good cheerleader and not snitch bites of food. We catch up on our days (sometimes weeks) over the stove. I loved this steam coming off our corn.

Then we took some time to almost finish hanging photos in our living room.

Like I said, a peaceful, slow day.
I was home by 5 pm.

A Wednesday

2011-09-21T09:00:00.000-05:00

This was a very early morning. I have to be on campus at 8 am this semester. It was a rainy day for coffee and neutral sweaters. Good thing I like where I work and who I work with.

(I came home and had some fast-paced office hours to regroup before taking off again.)

Waiting for the bus. There have been a lot of sirens lately.

Working on the bus.

Enjoy our "Patio" while it's warm ... I love finding funny uses of quotation marks. I guess this patio is proverbial?

Usually on Wednesdays I spend a few hours caring for this little one and her sister.

Then since I was in the neighborhood I stopped by a second-hand store. Remember why? And for probably the third time I tried on a shirt just like this. I love them but they make me feel like a 50-year-old art teacher and I just don't know if I'm ready for that.

I got home around 8 pm and

I ate this:

Upon reflection, this Wednesday was so very vanilla. And that's exactly what I wanted to capture in this project.

A Tuesday

2011-09-20T09:00:00.001-05:00

What I remember about this morning is being exhausted. A fast three weeks were starting to catch up to me. The noise of the jackhammer outside my window was vibrating in my full sinuses and I had soggy brain syndrome. (When I'm really tired my brain feels like a solid loaf of bread stuck in a bowl of water overnight. No lie.)

One of the best things about our current situation though, is that Jake gets to come home for a lunch hour at least once or twice a week. I love it!

He doesn't look happy here, but I promise he loves it too.

(Insert a few unphotogenic hours of office work here.)

Then Jake and I were both on to a meeting for the arts ministry we're a part of. I love that Jake volunteers with us.

Meeting meeting meeting AND THEN a drive to another meeting/dinner. This was a particularly good one. One of our supervisors welcomed all the young staff over to her house to talk about money. We had a delicious dinner and got to ask all of our questions about credit cards, tithing and investing. Again, I am so thankful to share many of these experiences with Jake. He is my number one supporter and his presence means a lot to me.

We ended our evening having a very serious conversation. Something along the lines of taking care of things before they become an even bigger deal than they are. Suddenly three fire engines pulled up, roaring sirens, but the fighters were walking slowly. I asked one if there was a fire and he said, "We don't know yet." It was the perfect message to me. Some things, like fire, or relationships, deserve a lot of attention, just in case.

We got home just before 11 pm.

A Monday

2011-09-19T09:00:00.000-05:00

I am so so so glad I did this. I've always wanted to document my days, in order to share with my family. And also because life moves fast, yo. This was a very typical Monday, ordered and serendipitous. I loved it.

How my desk normally looks by 8:30 am on Mondays. In the throws of Bible, emails, texting, and sadly at the bottom of my coffee.

My fashion (if that's what we shall call it) was inspired by the Dutch.

Waiting for the bus.

Then a few hours of fund raising. I started early at the Starbucks across the street from the church (hello gift card I forgot about!) and met with my co-workers later.

Unfortunately lunch was an afterthought today. I had to buy it out.

Then came time for our marathon of meetings on Monday nights. Notice the darling faces of our students below.

I'd usually be home by 10 pm Mondays, but ever so joyously I ran into friends on my walk home from work! It took a few second of awkward staring, but I soon recognized these co-workers and joined them. It means a lot to me to run into friends on the street, especially in a big city. We had such a nice time.

the kind of man he is

2011-09-09T10:29:00.001-05:00

I left the house yesterday with our console looking like this:

I woke up this morning, walked to the kitchen (I can do that now that we don't live in a studio) and here's what I saw:
The slightest change, but ever so tasteful. That's just the kind of man he is.

I love Jake's sense of style, even if it means I have to justify many of my choices to him.

Seeing this also reminded me that I do indeed have a husband, as we've been really busy lately and passing like ships in the night. At any rate, this made me smile over my cup of coffee.

(Thanks dearest.)

Lingering Summer

2011-09-07T14:39:00.002-05:00

Perfect market peaches. What I call "the room of requirement." Mexican hot chocolate cookies. Window light. The church bell which I must share about! Curtain breeze. Flowers. Homeland Security questioning my photography of trains. Once a stranger, now a friend. Of course the Heartland. & A vision of fading flowers.

2011-09-06T11:00:00.001-05:00

I got my first look at how older folks view (and grapple with) my generation in January. I was at work event when they screened a news feature on "Millennials" for all of us young staff. Maybe I (admittedly) live under a rock, but I think that was the first time I'd heard the term millenials.

Then I found this article which continued on the same theme, from the perspective of a psychologist and mother. It's so true that it's funny. And also so sad. These stories really hit home for me. I had such an interesting conversation with my mom last summer about this very subject. Because it was radically affecting our relationship.

I work with young people, and am still a young person myself. I am married to a dashing young person. And many (though not most) of my closest friends are young people. So the sad part is when I witness first hand the unprecedented emptiness in this generation. It's sad because it seems like the lots have been cast, we've been raised and we are who we'll be. I mean, there's no changing your upbringing at this point.

I'm of the persuasion that, usually, something can be done. So what can be done on this one?

Or, what can we do to change society and the way we are raising new generations?

Guestbook

2011-09-06T08:30:00.000-05:00

The first dinner with friends in our new place.

Jake was supposed to go running with our friend Jens but it didn't happen (again) so the guys had to drink water and stretch and pretend they went running. I invited Jens to stay for dinner, he had brought corn anyway.
Our official guest of the evening Michael came over.
And then I begged Karen to stop by on her way home.
She came bursting through the door, "I brought corn!"

It will be remembered.

Then of course we had a family dinner with these two.I love finally having the space to host people, a wee bit more comfortably than before in our studio. Our home is warming.

2011-09-06T08:18:00.000-05:00

Cold breeze, nightgown, coffee.

Well, we moved ...

2011-09-05T15:24:00.002-05:00

Our new place is about twice the size of our beloved studio. It's still in Rogers Park. Thanks to a miracle of God, we bought our first home. We're serious about investing in this neighborhood. I'm eager to see how owning property here will affect my feelings about our surroundings. I've been homesick for our studio a few times, I lived there more than two years, and Jake lived there almost two years. It's good to still find a home in the company of my darling man.

2011-09-05T11:00:00.000-05:00

We got a Nikon. It was a miracle of timing. I'm still learning how to shoot in manual mode but I think I've got it! Thanks to all my friends who shared their knowledge acquired from expensive tuition with me (for free). I can't think of a more photographic neighborhood than our own:

Sometimes, I think justice is rightfully appreciating the beauty that already exists.

Real Marriage Quotes

2011-09-05T10:44:00.001-05:00

Me: (After squeezing the last bit of toothpaste I could onto my brush) Here, you can put some on your own brush, you're better at getting it out.

Jake: (Squeezes a healthy portion of toothpaste onto his brush and puts the tube back.)

Me: What are you doing? Throw that away. It's done for.

Jake: (Flares nostrils) I'll take that as a challenge.

2011-09-02T11:00:00.000-05:00

I think the secret sauce of life is in the mix of perfect combinations. Such as:

Cupcakes, beer, and The Godfather.

With friends.

2011-09-01T09:31:00.000-05:00

Where I've Been | Montana Edition

This is the final installment, folks. At least for summer 11. Does September mean fall time? I think the blog world jumps into seasons a little early, maybe because it's such a consumeristic community, so I'm holding on to my summer memories tightly. (Fall time is truly truly the best. But for now, let's revel.)

Because this ... this summer I knew it was dreams in the making even when I was in the middle of it!

Sometimes there is nothing more empowering than taking public transit and navigating an airport alone. In order to get to O'Hare I had to run across traffic on the highway and jump on the blue line. Since I'd be meeting Jake at the gate, I went through security alone (with illegal liquids!) and man, there is nothing more inspiring than an airport.

We met at the gate, flew to Seattle, ran to our connecting flight, and puddle-jumped to the Kalispell, MT airport. When I got off the plane the smell of pine hit my lungs so hard that I seriously thought it was air freshener!

My mother-in-law picked us up, it was almost 2 am. We spent the night at a hotel and woke up at 6 am to drive through Glacier National Park and meet the rest of the family at the continental divide for a hike:

The rest of the time was spent with Jake's second cousins. It's an interesting thing,
marriage and the smooshing together of families. This scene made me feel right at home -

My sis-in-law, with these seven-year-old twins who definitely just participated in a mini triathlon -

We took grandma white water rafting -

The hardest part about photographing mountains is getting perspective. They were massive! Can you spot the cars on the far right side of this photo? -

What a remarkable way to bookmark the end of our summer. There are few things more romantic to me than travel. And as I've written before, God often uses mountains to speak to me; this trip was no exception.

2011-07-28T11:06:00.002-05:00

Hey friends, I really enjoyed my blog break back in January and I'm calling for another one. I want to soak up my last summer rays without even the possibility of a distraction. I promise to be back, because I love it here too much, and it's good for me. But so is the occasional silence. Enjoy your August, and I'll see you in September!

2011-07-25T08:24:00.001-05:00

Where I've Been | Tour Edition

A few weeks ago, I went on my first tour with Jake's band. It was a good starter tour, because we actually spent half our time on the family homestead in Iowa. Some of these shots I took, and some of them were taken by Colin (next to Jake in the photo above.) I think you'll like them all. They perfectly capture what it's like to drive a long way on a flat road in hot hot heat, and come home sleeping on the floor of the van. Thank you guys for driving through the night! PS: Please, no one get offended by the guns ... it's Iowa.

2011-07-22T11:00:00.006-05:00

How can possibly say what happened?
It was magical.

On our way to the beach this week, I was mourning a little. Mourning the loss of some excitement and passion to pursue "greater things" in our neighborhood. I haven't done anything to seek justice among my neighbors in a while. We're trying to build a more permanent life here, but it's been a bumpy road.

Just before arriving at the beach, I looked up into the second story window of a familiar building. This window has a jungle of orchids facing out year-round. They look like little grannies to me, all bunched close, peeping down at the sidewalk. I imagine them gossiping about everything they witness.

And then I saw this:

right in front of that building.
It made me happy to think someone else is proud of our neighborhood.

We had a delightful dip, and started walking home.
THEN, I saw a man with glasses watering the garden in front of that building where the orchids live. He smiled enough to beckon a wave, so Jake and I waved at him.
"How are you doing," he asked, as if we were old friends.
And the conversation went from there, so natural and sweet. He was so friendly! We learned that he grows the orchids for fancy hotels and condos downtown. And when they are done with the flowers, he brings them home. We learned that he's lived in that building since the 90s. I can't imagine what it must be like to have seen all the change in Rogers Park in that time.
We were joking about going swimming, "Humans need to be watered too," I said, and he laughed.

Then, we thought he was inviting us up into his place to see the flowers. But he took off running and came back down with three orchids for us! To keep.

I can't put words to how wonderful it is to meet your neighbors.

The gifted orchids are really symbolic to me, because I was just starting to feel like a bad plant-mother for nearly killing our palm tree. And I was feeling bad about not living the life of bringing God's Kingdom to our neighborhood 24/7.
Maybe God has more hope in me than I do. That would be spectacular.

2011-07-21T10:28:00.001-05:00

I've had a lot on my mind lately.
Like what a soul battle it is to start my day right. And how many days this summer I had to "re-start" around noon. I'm too anxious lately.

So we slipped away one evening to swim. It was perfect, exactly what I needed. My body cooled down from the heat; my mind went peaceful; and the alone time with Jake was divine after so much traveling. The beach is only 4 blocks away. We didn't even bring our phones.

Thank God for bodies of water and everything they mean.

2011-07-19T09:32:00.003-05:00

Where I've Been | Michigan Edition

Whew, friends, I have arrived. I've made it to church two Sundays in a row. And except for a trip to Montana in August, I'm home! Home home home. For what feels like the first time since May.

Well, this past weekend Jake's parents and brother stopped by Chicago for a bit. We ate dinner at the Hopleaf and I was overcome with rustic charm (in the form of smoked ham on rye, and pear wine.) Then we took off for the western beaches of Michigan to see my folks!

(missing one sis)

My parents have both recently moved. It amazes me over and over how many chapters of life our family has seen. Each chapter is blocked in my head, designated by very different locations and seasons. This, I'm happy to say, feels like a really good season. I'd be happy to land here.

PS: I'm so excited to see this one! Have you seen his other films?

2011-07-18T09:04:00.002-05:00

This is the story of my personal fashion and music evolution.

I used to be pretty fly in high school.
I always listened to the most underground music.
And I was way more fashionable back then:

At 18 I moved out of my parents' house to study science journalism at Columbia College Chicago.

All of the sudden I was surrounded by kids who listened to way weirder music, and were far better dressed than I.
No, I never saw a single pair of sweats or hoodies in my college lectures.

Also, I was living in a big city whose air was filled with noise constantly. I lived right downtown in the loop. I loved the city, I still do. But the noise was an adjustment. I am easily overstimulated by my surroundings, so when I came back to my dorm in the evenings silence was just the ticket. And then I stopped listening to music all together.

I've come a few steps back toward fashion (maybe) and music. For now I'm happy with my uniform dark jeans and white v-neck.
And I'm keeping up this silence-in-the-room thing.

2011-07-12T12:11:00.003-05:00

This studio ...

is (approximately) 250 square feet of nostalgic, burning love.

2011-07-11T08:53:00.002-05:00

I always woke up before my friends in summer during high school. So my mornings began with coffee with my parents and then two full hours of Dawson's Creek from 7 until 9. Then I would usually start the heavy work calling my friends and waking them up. Our days consisted of driving to the beach, laying in the park, going to shows downtown, late-night cheeseburgers, a little bit of trouble, and my part-time jobs at Coldstone and as a factory cleaning lady. Those really were the days. I loved how they stretched on.

I thought by now I would have hit my slow stride, enjoying the summer in lazy days. I knew it was going to be a little busy, but I didn't realize how busy. The good news is I have some babysitting jobs lined up this month and while I adore the little girls I care for, babysitting has a nice way of making the days go slowly :)

I set some crazy goals for my work this summer.
I do work with college students, so my tasks change drastically over the summer, but I still work full-time.

So now I'm going to set some crazy, lazy goals to slow down after work each day.

read at least an hour every day
take a walk to the beach with Jake every evening possible
decrease multi-tasking when not working

Here and now, I've shared my lazy goals. Hold me to it, blogsters.

2011-07-08T09:08:00.000-05:00

Our friend Zach (whose wedding Jake is the Best Man in tomorrow!!!) has a tradition of taking black and white photos on his real film camera when we go to camp with InterVarsity. I always love them and I'd like to share them with you today.

Here are my favorites from two years ago:

And here are my faves from this year:

Photos by Zach Harris.

2011-07-06T07:57:00.003-05:00

On Becoming My Father ...

It's happening, and if I'm honest, it probably began at birth. I'm becoming my dad. And I can't complain. Jake catches me acting dad-like all the time. And on a recent visit with my dad's sister she mentioned it a few times. The signs are:

Socially: Saying hello to people I pass. Asking everyone how their day is doing (grocery bagger, banker, etc.) Asking people lots of questions about their life experiences.
Physically: Running up the stairs, skipping steps just for fun and efficiency. Strong work ethic. Strong coffee drinking. Opening my eyes big for expression. Genetically identical profile.
Emotionally: Keeping true thoughts and feelings private.
Mentally/Compulsively: Noticing when a cup is too close to the edge of the table, general paranoia, noticing unexpected patterns, general obsession over efficiency, perfection and prevention.

Growing up in my dad's house I don't think I noticed how similar we are. I just thought we got along well. Dad and I travelled together a lot, usually to San Francisco to visit our friends. When I was little, dad loved to brush and braid me and my sisters' hair. He took me on a photography trip and let me drive when I needed to rack in some hours for driver's ed. Actually we did a lot of photography together. My mom has always said that she saw their divorce inspire my dad to be around more, and he's said similar things. Clearly I wish it didn't have to start that way, but I'm so thankful for the relationship my dad and I have now. The daddy/daughter bond is really special.

I adore this photo of Jake and my dad.

It means so much to me that they love each other.

I look like him, think like him, work like him. And that's fine by me.

2011-06-30T09:13:00.002-05:00

Where I've Been | The More Camping Edition

I loved this camping trip a lot. We have fun friends and you see such a new side of people when you camp together. Our hike was gorgeous, we were literally climbing waterfalls at times.

The only sour note ... I went to bed the first night and woke up around 5 in the morning (I'm guessing) completely soaked. It was storming, water had seeped in through the bottom of the tent, and I have a cotton sleeping bag!

Most definitely, my favorite moment was swimming in a gorgeous pool after a long, sweaty hike. I felt like a kid again. We threw frisbees at each other and I wore a two-piece for the first time in 5 years. The water felt so refreshing. It's a goal of mine to swim as much as possible this summer and I'm thrilled to see that happening.

PS: I just can't get over it. In the past 2 weeks I've been in southern Indiana, Chicago, and Madison Wisconsin! This weekend will be the Iowa tour. I hope you have a fun weekend! Eat some watermelon and put your toes in the grass.

2011-06-26T10:35:00.001-05:00

I've had three distinct moments of calling which directed me to the ministry I work with; all three having taken place on the north side of Chicago, and two out of three on the red line train.

Most recently, my calling was affirmed in God's abundant provision after I wrote this post. I'm reading a book in which the author asserts that ministry is not work; we don't work because God's Spirit is working and we're just going along with it. I can't wait until I get to that point. Right now, things sometimes still feel like work. But after writing about how my own resources and logic were getting me nowhere, I set to do the only thing I could do, pray. Three times a day my alarm went off and I said the same prayer, asking God to release me from the bondage of my own mind. And God responded quickly! In two days, the ball was rolling on half the things I was waiting for.

The Hebrew word for glory means weight.

I immediately felt a sense of glory and weight on myself, in the purest form, when I realized what riches God was lavishing on me. I felt exactly like Simon Peter in the story when Jesus miraculously catches fish for him:

"... they came and filled both boats [with fish] so full that they began to sink. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, 'Go away from me Lord; for I am a sinful man!' For he and his companions were astonished at the catch of fish ..."

Because there's this thing that happens when you encounter the True and Living God. His perfection makes us so aware of our imperfection that all we can do is ask to be made pure. Otherwise it's truly difficult to be in His presence. At least it was for me. The Bible describes it like this:

"The Light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it." John 1:5

Darkness cannot understand light.

Darkness and light cannot coexist.

Where there is light, there can literally be no darkness.

I sat on the bench at the red line with twenty minutes to kill; I watched sun set and I felt my shoulders heave downward with it.

When God is too good to me, the darkness inside of me can only respond by bowing under the weight of glory.

This God of ours is amazing, all things are under His command.

I'm a far way from being converted from my nature's idolatry, but this is an incredible start.

2011-06-20T11:53:00.002-05:00

Where I'm Going | Tour Edition

In honor of the first tour I've ever been on, I'm going to post this photo story I took a few weeks ago. It's about the daylong preparation for a show, at least the way we do things. In a few weeks Jake's band is touring, of all places, to Nebraska and Iowa. We're going to spend July 4th with his family there. His band mates always love the acreage his family home is on, and the guns and horses. It's a ton of fun to see pale city kids running wild on the farm. I have no idea whether I'm going to love tour or despise it. Probably a little of both.

2011-06-15T10:03:00.003-05:00

Marriage is like this.
It's ecstasy and madness and everything in between.
Laughs and tears and sweat, perfume and food in your teeth. It's not the lack of money or the excess of money, but how you spend your money. That is the devilish question. Because it piques all the different ways the two of you take in the world, organize your thoughts, and plan your reaction.

I'm not the kind of person who feels okay spewing my truest thoughts at the expense of someone's feelings. I think it's completely worth it to think thoroughly about what you're trying to get across. Words have weight, and I don't think you can take them back. It's worth it, necessary even, to be one hundred percent honest while also respecting and cherishing the heart of your soulmate.

So you have these heated conversations which cause tunnel vision. But in a while, the heaviness is lifted. You take a walk. You kiss a whole lot. You eat fruit in the park. And you end up cooking chickpea burgers together, with the window open to dusk, while boogying to Fleetwood Mac. How in the world am I blessed enough to go to bed every night feeling profoundly grateful?

Some days feel like a million all in one.
It is such dizzying goodness.

2011-06-13T08:42:00.002-05:00

Happy Monday, amigos!

I don't have another edition of "Where I've Been" for you because this past weekend both Jake and I were home! Nuts, I know. It was a busy weekend ... Jake had a show, we went to a first birthday pool party, and we spent a great day with our friend's parents in the suburbs! But it was so grounding to be at home. I'm especially thankful for the time Jake and I had together because I think all of our evenings are booked (without each other) this week, and after a camping trip this weekend we'll both be separate ways for two weeks. He'll be in Mississippi and I'll be in Madison, and when we get back there might be some exciting news to report. But that's not until the end of the month.

Well I don't know if you've ever noticed, but I have a whole category for posts about the sun. I love the sun, it totally affects my mood. I notice more of the world when it's sunny outside. We had those awfully hot days here in Chicago and now we're into some brisk, sunny days. And this is my favorite kind of weather. Brisk and sunny.

So I thought I'd share my little summer time driving playlist for you, in honor of the sun.

Hear me now, I would never suggest you have a car in Chicago. I know some people love it, but it's far too expensive and needy if you ask me, and I love reading on the train. But Jake's job more or less requires he have a car (isn't that illegal?) and we're SO thankful for his job. So, here I am, a car owner in the city. The best things about having a car are in the winter time when Jake drops me off at the house and I don't have to find a parking spot with him ... and driving with the windows down on Lake Shore Drive! Oh, beauty. So here you go, this is what I've been bopping to:

2011-06-10T08:34:00.003-05:00

Where I've Been | Head & Heart & Iron & Wine Edition

The Head & The Heart opened for Iron and Wine, who I've seen once before. It was tons of fun to look across the sea of millions of people and find a familiar face, I ran into old roommates, coworkers, friends, everyone!

It was strikingly clear who was there for the music, and who was there to tease their hair between iPhone photo shoots. And while I can quickly become cynical, I had to stop myself. There we were, just a bunch of young people enjoying being young. I'm not above it at all. Besides, I've never turned down good people watching.

PS: It got dark much earlier in the evening at The Books show last year, nearly this same time.

2011-06-08T11:43:00.003-05:00

Who is my real God?
I find myself asking this nearly every day. Not usually by choice, but because it becomes the obvious question when I'm stressed or anxious.

There's always this little reel playing in the back of my mind. It says, "You can say one thing, Taylor, but the truth will come out in the ways you live." And most days, I'm embarrassed to say, the breakdown becomes obvious.

It's my job to teach the Gospel. It's my job to encourage people that Jesus, our good King, holds the future. I love my job. And I do believe that Jesus holds us all. But sometimes I have to look at my life and realize the ugly truth; that I don't actually live in light of my beliefs.

Too often, in the middle of my discomfort, the first thing I run to is my Logic. Logic, strategy, philosophy, optimism, my go-getter-figure-it-out bones. I don't know why I do this, but I do. I run to Logic, wrap her in my loving embrace, and then quickly realize how very wrong I am. I fumble to let go and look up at Logic and say, "You are not Jesus. How did I get here?"

I think it's desperately easy to seek Logic because she's in my nature. I am probably the most calculated person I know. My closest friends tell me they admire that I seem to be myself freely, without concern for others' judgements. And that's true. But I only arrived at such a carefree state after calculating the loss/gain ratio, and deciding it's way more worth it to be myself and have fun.

So when it comes to challenging matters of life I believe in God's sovereign order, before His Godly love and care. It's my own brand of religious syncretism. I can easily say I am pursuing God's will, but underneath I am truly seeking my dear Logic.

I've known this subconsciously for a while. But I haven't done anything. Because the way I would normally go about changing something--mustering up all my strength and logic into an eager cannon--is literally the thing I'm trying to change.

I can't do this. I literally can't do it.
And I believe that is precisely the point.

So I'll open my palms and say a prayer of release.

2011-06-06T08:03:00.001-05:00

Where I've Been | Camping Edition

Wisconsin dairy country.

PS: North Avenue beach on Memorial Day:

2011-06-01T11:52:00.002-05:00

It was 9 am on a gorgeous Wednesday. The first of June.

Neil Young was rocking the free world on my radio,
as I drove down the gorgeous Lake Shore Drive,
wearing a polka dot dress, and Jolly Rancher Cherry chapstick.

The moment afforded such clarity that only comes when you have the time and space to see the big picture;
a vantage I need so much.

Thank you, God.

PS: Quarters are like gold in Chicago! Between parking and laundry, we're all desperate.

2011-05-31T07:45:00.001-05:00

Where I've Been | Picnic Edition

I love the park and beach in Rogers Park. I love knowing my neighbors. And when my passion for this neighborhood was ramping up, I realized I know a lot of stellar people in Rogers Park. They just need to meet each other. Because the more you know your neighbors, the safer and nicer your neighborhood is. Right? So I started this little shindig to get people together, hopefully a couple times each month this summer. What's better than food, friends and the great outdoors (even when you're exhausted from the previously reported trip to Iowa)? Nuffin.

Especially when things look this good.

2011-05-27T14:10:00.000-05:00

"Hi, this is Taylor, and you have thirty seconds after the beep."

That's all you'd probably get from me on the phone these days.
Within May and June I'll have been to Michigan three times,
Wisconsin twice, Iowa once, a retreat for work, going to Jake's shows,
and for some wild reason planning a neighborhood picnic on my one night home.

I'll only be home for one solid week in May and June.
I'm starting to miss my rich, intricate, hermit life.
This season is pushing me beyond my comforts.
I'm riding the wave and keeping my eyes open.

I really didn't want to write about the failed rapture.
But one day I found myself driving 6 hours from northern Michigan straight to the airport in Chicago, from where I flew to Iowa for a 24 hour visit. It was 6 pm. And when we hit some weather in the air, I did honestly think "This could be it." This plane could be Jesus's first stop in the atmosphere on his way down to earth!

Alas, we all know how that story ended.
But for a moment there ...

2011-05-23T08:55:00.002-05:00

Where I've Been | The 80 ft. Swing in Northern Michigan Edition

Sometimes life is incredibly exciting.

2011-05-14T10:23:00.000-05:00

Jake and I have been talking a lot about dreams lately.
Dreams which involve music and hard work.
Is it childish to pursue the life of a rock star? I don't think so.
But the world does.
We are talking about how music is a fickle lady,
maybe one whom can't be trusted much.
But that doesn't make her naive.
It just makes success (or survival) a bit harder.

We had a really great show recently.

Aren't those photos gorgeous? I think they look like paintings of a starry night.
All photo credits to Summers.

2011-05-12T08:14:00.000-05:00

This is the dreamy view from where I work and write.

I keep my dreams up in the clouds, where they can bloom and close like flowers on their own time. They do not depend on earthly roots or realizations, but live on always above. And I can visit them anytime. I've been visiting them a lot lately.

And listening to this:

2011-05-10T08:00:00.004-05:00

Going along with Mother's day ... my blog is becoming a mommy blog!

Haha, did I make you think I was pregnant?
I'm not at all.
For real, though, I was a mommy blogger last week when Ashley and Elspeth came over the make the famous chocolate cake and they said, "We feel like your kids." So I took their portrait and the obligatory toddler-hand-reaching-for-food photo. I liked my stint as a mommy blogger, but something tells me it was much easier working with 20 somethings than it would with 2 somethings.

PS: Elspeth's engagement shoot by Roya Jade photo is darling!

2011-05-09T08:02:00.003-05:00

Momma,

You received a very special gift yesterday when your 3 girls got together for the first time in a year and a half!

And we told you this:
"You taught me that life is always a journey; at times you were pushing through hardship, and at other times you were enjoying an arrival, but you never stopped going on."
"You push us to do things that are new and good for us, but hard things to do."
"You support me all the time, even when I make silly decisions."
"You welcomed me as your son right away, even when I was just dating Taylor."

But I think we're the ones who got the best part of the deal, you gave us sisters and you gave us yourself, completely.

The weekend prior we visited my family in Michigan.
One thing I love about my family is how playful we are:

It was heaven, and I had expected no less.

2011-05-04T08:50:00.000-05:00

simple food.

2011-05-02T09:43:00.001-05:00

Money is everywhere right now.
In my job,
I raise financial support and teach students to be generous in tithing.
In my personal life,
a lunch meeting with our banker.
In my imaginary life,
I galavant with the heroine of my book as she recklessly spends money
and faces the tragic consequences.

I'm currently reading "The House of Mirth" by Edith Wharton.
(Thank you Paige.)
It's exactly what I need.
Rumination on wealth, a blatant disregard for reality, and release into gluttony.
Also, the constant reminder of consequences.

All of this money in my life is increasing my greed.
And at once making me fearful of greed's hold on my heart.

Although I'm pouting about it to myself, I'm so glad for the vow I took to only buy clothing second-hand through this year. It comes down to two things for me:

1. Reverence for those who made my clothes. Their cheap labor is what convinces us it's perfectly reasonable for a shirt to cost 5 dollars. Crazy. Why have I come to expect the entitlement to such cheap clothing? Because I can. At all costs, even that of life, I can expect cheap clothing. Cheap is one thing, but reverence for the cost is another.

2. Wasted resources. I'm amazed at the thought of all the resources my closet taxes the earth, when I buy all new things.

I believe in these things, I do.
But I need to keep repeating them to myself under my breath ... reverence and resources, reverence and resources.

*Update: isn't is bizarre that we own so much stuff that we have to keep a record of it with some insurance broker, in order to keep all of our material things protected? Something just feels weird about paying someone to protect my purchases.

2011-04-28T14:33:00.000-05:00

The great thing about Anglican churches (or following the liturgical calendar) is that we celebrate SIX weeks of Easter. SIX weeks to ponder the mystery of Christ's work. All stops are out with this post, please enjoy my photo essay of how we began the celebration on Easter Sunday:

First things first ... Indian buffet for brunch.

Demolished. A meal fully enjoyed. I ate too much fennel at the cash register.

Then, afternoon church and potluck.

Easter was full of arrival, fun, love, and hospitality.
I will always remember singing at the top of my lungs with Nate after offering prayer ministry.
We both just shook and smiled and knew God was with us.

2011-04-25T09:47:00.000-05:00

I've taken on pie as a hobby.

Dreaming it, making it, baking it, sharing it, eating it.
It's a beautiful thing.
There's really no telling when I'm going to bake.
Sometimes I just find myself on a Sunday night whipping my first ever batch of meringue.
And sometimes I find anise extract at the store and invent a pie in my mind
(then Google the recipe for it which I know probably exists), and begin.
These two have made their way into my heart, time and life lately:
Banana Meringue Pie & Pear Anise Pie.
Both with a new crust recipe which was a gem to work with.

I'm going to try and make a deep correlation here, between baking and my "greater things" mantra, okay? Follow me.
They are quite parallel things, making a pie and making a community.
They take imagination, work, patience and are practically useless unless utterly enjoyed.
I'm always the baker who eats a piece fresh fresh fresh out of the oven.
Always burning my tongue.
Never learning my lesson.
It's exciting to eat hot, but pie usually doesn't hold together well until cooled.
Maybe the same goes for community, especially new and diverse community?
It's an exciting thing to discover, but if we maul it hastily, it crumbles.
We risk exoticism and shallow consumption.
Both are necessary, I think, excitement and stability.
But overall, what's needed is respect. And sharing utter enjoyment with others.

Thanks for going there with me.
Have I got you dreaming about pie?

2011-04-24T15:03:00.003-05:00

"I will know my Saviour when I come to Him
by the mark where the nails have been ... "

Jesus is the God who knows pain.
Born poor via an illegitimate birth, and faced injustice in His trial.
And He conquered it all.
Only a God who knows the oppression of earth could be a fair judge.

2011-04-21T08:25:00.000-05:00

The truth about personality tests. (Or, how they make me feel.)

Myers & Briggs tell me I'm an "ISTJ."

The Enneagram says I'm a "Type One."

And sometimes, all I hear them call me is "Peaceful, hardworking, machine." Like a little bot people love for its dependability.

While some people enjoy using their personality types to explain their silly behavior and forgetfulness, I find myself wanting to apologize for mine. Sorry that I like rules and order?

I remember one day as a little girl, sitting in the back right seat of the car with my mom and sisters. It was our white jeep, old as I am. My mom (love her) was explaining to my middle sister that we have all moods which swing to change like a pendulum. She told the middle one that her pendulum swings back and forth, high and high, vigorously. It was a gentle way of addressing tantrums. She went on to say my pendulum swings very subtly. I know my mom loves this about me, and she meant it was a good thing, but it made me sad. I can still see her finger ticking back and forth to illustrate. Even as a child I felt defensive about my personality.

This is just an observation for lately.
And maybe a promise to work on it.

The good thing is that the people close to me are very good at telling me they love me. And I believe them. And truly, I like being me. There's not much trouble here to report on. Just something worthy of investigating and prayer.

2011-04-19T07:30:00.002-05:00

Family Sleepover // Special Guests in Town

La casa Jake & Taylor became la casa to the traveling Pye family this weekend!
We hosted Owen, Jillian and Cash over for a family sleepover, and it rocked. Four adults and a baby crashing in a studio, waking up early, strong coffee and rounds of banana pancakes with a side of chitter chatter. I felt our tiny apartment brimming with the warmth of new friends and shared passions. I'm so thankful we had the chance to connect, and that Owen got to play here in Chicago. (And clearly Cash was the highlight of the visit.)

The day I first found Jillian's blog, I noticed they were touring all around but didn't have a show planned in Chicago. So I emailed her. And things were rolling by that evening. Jake booked some of our musically gifted friends to play with Owen and held the show at a church/venue in our neighborhood. I was really touched to see all of our friends who came out, and to see neighbors trickle in whom we didn't know.

It's incredible to meet a couple the same age as us, believing hard and working hard.
This is such a precious time in life and the Pyes are an inspiration.
It was so sweet to talk honestly with Jillian (late into the night) about everything;
so sweet to recognize this growing stage in our lives, old and youthful at once.
I can't wait to see what their family experiences in this amazing season of music.

Happy trails, Pye family!
Love, us

2011-04-15T08:22:00.000-05:00

I live a very ordinary life.
I have a small apartment,
I take public transportation,
I eat my fruits and veggies,
my uniform is jeans and a v-neck,
I read books,
I work hard,
I save my money,
I have a husband and someday hope to have kids.

These ordinary things,
are extraordinary to me.

This is what liturgy has taught me:
an ordinary slice of bread, an ordinary cup of cheap wine, can become a sacrament of divine celebration and mourning all at once.

The Jews hung an ordinary curtain to symbolize God's presence and Jesus tore through it. Just ordinary cloth.

Our apartment is a home, filled with love and sunshine.
I get a glimpse of my neighbors' souls when we ride trains and buses together.
Fresh produce replenishes my skin and bones, my entryway to the tangible world.
Someone far away made my clothes, we are connected, and for that I wear them reverently.
Comprehending the written language connects me to history and the yet to be.
My job forces me to interact with people daily, something I might otherwise struggle with.
Money can be used for awesome things, like funding schools and building sanctuaries.
Marriage affords me the incredible journey to selflessness, and an opportunity to be sanctified every day.

Good grief sometimes I can't take it!

"We might even suggest, as a part of a Christian aesthetic, that the world is beautiful not just because it hauntingly reminds us of its creator but also because it is pointing forward: it is designed to be filled, flooded, drenched in God." NTWright

2011-04-13T09:59:00.048-05:00

Here's the last thing about me being white.
I am angry about it.
I'm angry that wherever I move, I'm bringing more white people with me.
I'm angry that I have many more opportunities and resources than my neighbors.
I'm angry that I thoroughly enjoy my privilege.
I get so angry on those days when I see children who can only walk to the convenience store on the corner to eat a bag of cheetos for dinner. So angry when I hear of children being harassed on their way to and from school. They didn't ask for that. And I didn't ask for better.
On those days, I pray from the angriest part of my heart,
Jesus please come back now and just save us all. I'm done watching this horror.

But what amazes me,
is that each day we wake, God is telling us that we're not done yet. Each day we wake up, God is ready to do more work to renew His creation, and His plan is to use people to do it.

This song and these lyrics put me in my place.

What good would I be doing to reject my privilege? At least in the sense of the influence I can have in local politics. If my ethnicity is favored and authorities listen to me ... and if I have no fear when talking to authorities ... then I need to use these gifts to speak on behalf of others. Because some of my neighbors don't trust the law, and some of them wouldn't be given the time of day. I dare not throw away such a valuable gift that could bless others.

This was the most inspiring and question-producing lesson I learned at CUP.
I have no idea how to advocate for my neighbors needs. But I have to learn.
God made all people in His image, all people have dignity. It is horribly wrong when local authorities do not grant some people equal dignity. In order to truly reflect God, we all need each other to be included in the picture.

We all need each other. That's the brilliance in it!
I was talking with a friend of mine about her moving into a black and how she feared she wouldn't be able to advocate because she herself is black. But we both realized that her ethnicity and cross-cultural friendships are necessary to build trust between neighbors of different cultures. We all need each other. That's why it doesn't do anyone any good if I despise my ethnicity and privilege.

No more white people pretending they aren't white, I say.
Thank God for what He's given you and honor Him by enjoying it.
Own up and lend your gifts to the community.
And be willing to receive.

2011-04-11T08:51:00.000-05:00

Being White. 2

The topic of gentrification reminds me that in general, there are ramifications for everything we do. I think this is particularly challenging for privileged people, because even if we live in a poor or under-resourced neighborhood, we can often afford the drive to another neighborhood to buy nicer things. I'm leaning over and over again from the people who inspire me that the vehicle for gentrification is money.

My friend (and co-worker) (and neighbor! she lives two blocks away) Rachel has inspired me to think deeper about the impact of our daily lives. I really love talking with her because she's been thinking in this direction much longer than I have, and she has the heart to see things through.

I'll always remember hearing the Walmart reps in Food Inc. say that it's not hard for them to decide to sell organic products if that's what the customers want. We truly are voting every time we make a purchase. Any purchase! So I'm voting local, organic, and pro labor rights.

Now is a really good time for Jake and I to start practicing ethical consumption, because our budget is so simple. Here's where our money goes monthly: - rent - donations/ tithing - groceries - public transportation - car insurance - gas - cell phones - health insurance
The basics. Right? So before we get too grown up and have too many more complicated bills, we want to begin practicing ethical principles for buying.

Something new that I've been convicted about is how many resources I waste on clothes. I don't buy many new clothes, but it still seems silly to buy so many new things when there are great second hand stores to be found. I'm committing to not buying any retail clothing until the end of the year, it's very liberating to think about all of the resources we can save by recycling clothes!

Now about groceries ... our biggest opportunity to choose between local and non-local. Here's where I admit that I'm really spoiled and I have an awesome local grocery store where I can buy everything except underwear, clothes hangers, and beer. I've thought it through. We are committed to supporting them, so we've had to switch some of the brands we usually buy. I know everyone doesn't have this option, so I'm really thankful.

That's her on the left in all her glory. The most complicated line in our budget is definitely groceries. This is where we have the most freedom to support I've written before about how we decide to buy organic or non-organic produce.

I appreciate your feedback on this little journey of mine. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. I'd love to hear more about what your neighborhood is like and if you have a resource like my heavily grocery store or not. Honesty, I don't know what I'd do without that place.

There's more to be said about gentrification, being white, and advocating for your neighborhood. Particularly when it comes to buying a home, I hear. But I'm keeping these thoughts within the realms of my experience.

What do you think about all of this?
Am I off my rocker?
Do you have a community that encourages you to invest in your neighborhood?

Resources:
Organic Buying
Labor rights
Why Humane is more important than organic milk.

2011-04-06T15:24:00.001-05:00

Being white. 1

Oh, who likes that word? Not me. But for the sake of clarity, I am going to use it. I am white.

This means, as a grade schooler, my other white friends and I would ask and tell each other over and over again "what we were." Irish, Dutch, Native American, French ... I'm your typical caucasian mutt. And more. Being white means my culture is time-oriented, systematic, not afraid of authority, usually trusting of authority, and highly favored.

It's hard to distinguish these things coming from the majority and favored culture. It's difficult to narrow down what exactly my culture is. And while everyone's culture probably depends more on their own nuclear family, I love to hear more about the general distinctions and gifts of different cultures.

At the spring break trip that changed everything, I heard about the cultures of my brothers and sisters who are not white. Some shared that they are more people or event-oriented, and loyal. Some said they are ultra respectful of authority. And it's common for many of their cultures to distrust authority. It was good for me to hear from my friends, and to celebrate the gifts that their cultures bring to society and the church.

I also learned among giggles that camping and coffee shops are mostly white things.
This is the local place Jake and I frequent. The Common Cup:

Overall, I left wondering more about the impact my culture has on my church and neighborhood. And what to do with this new knowledge.

When I, as a single white woman moved into Rogers Park (I moved here before I was married) my neighbors noticed. And so did the local realtors. The color of my skin told these people that a privileged* woman feels safe walking around this neighborhood. Which might mean others like me would feel safe living here, too. My simple presence here influences rent prices and local business markets. (Am I more likely to support Whole Foods or my local grocery?) This is fact, because I am white, no matter what, no matter where I go. The only way to protect my neighborhood's diversity is to support those who are already here ... and that's where part two will pick up.

Can you distinguish your culture's unique traits?
What kind of an impact do you think your presence has in your town?
Where does your money go?

This is a complex subject that I know very little about, but I'm hoping to learn by speaking with others about it. What time would be wasted if I waited to be an expert before taking action? For more information about just gentrification, I've been suggested this resource: Gentrification with Justice by Bob Lupton. Would you look into this with me?

* I don't have a lot of money. But I have access, education, and favor among authorities. This makes me privileged. You only have to make 50k/year to be among the elite in the U.S. I will continue to refer to myself as privileged as a pure reminder to myself.

2011-04-04T08:41:00.002-05:00

|All about cake|

My cutie friend is getting married!
And she, Elspeth, chose lucky me to attend her final cake tasting at Yum Cakes on Saturday.
We were offered fancy water bottles and devoured not a few cupcakes.
My favorite was the pralines and almond cake with a tiny macaron on top!

Then,
I woke up on Sunday and saw the recipe for my favorite cake on my kitchen table. Jake had unearthed it while organizing our closet (yes, he rocks). That cake sounded divine, so it being the sabbath and all, I dug right in.

I wish I could give you the recipe, but this is one time I don't feel I have the right. The recipe was created by my aunt's mother-in-law for all of her children's birthdays. I will say this, it is a rich, dense cake with coffee in it, and frosting that tastes like pudding! I need to come up with some holiday or reason to make this at least once per month.

Welcome to the week, everyone.

PS: I get to wear a Shabby Apple dress when I am in Elspeth's wedding!