The First Year

Here, this is cute:

Diane Keaton has this quote that Jake and I can't help but keep referencing--usually while simultaneously waving a figurative white flag: “Motherhood has completely changed me. It’s just about like the most completely humbling experience that I’ve ever had. I think that it puts you in your place because it really forces you to address the issues that you claim to believe in and if you can’t stand up to those principles when you’re raising a child, forget it.”

Parenting this year (plus one month) has made us question most of our values and choices; weighing what we want, what we say we want, and what our culture tells us we should want.

If pressed to say, I think my favorite part of motherhood has been the chance to dig deep and find an intuition I always hoped would be there. It builds confidence. It's the only way forward I can live with.

Maybe that's why motherhood has made me so homesick and wistful. I was surprised by my weighty desire to be my most true self as a mother. When faced with a parenting or life challenge, I kind of peer into my soul as to ask, "Ok, so what have we got to work with?"

Sure, I've learned a ton. I've changed in ways that will fundamentally add to and rearrange that inner-toolbox-self. I've also looked to many amazing mother role models around me. But I'm still me. And I have to be me. And that makes me very happy.

Hey there.

Hey, here I am. A mere four and a half years later.

So much has (predictably) happened since I closed down this blog. I could try to catch up on all of it. But wouldn't it be nicer to just start with today?

Today, I took the baby to story time at the library. Oh yes--there is a baby. Praise God for that baby.

The entire city library system was down but my dear librarian, Emma, still let us check out books. She said she'll have to go back and enter them all manually later. Yikes! Now that's a librarian. I picked up an easy, engrossing book to compliment the parenting book I'm reading. Gotta finish them both quick before my next book is available at the library. It's for the new book club I've joined, which means I have a deadline, and I heard it's not thin.

Today, I was thankful to have healthy lunch ingredients on hand and I also made dinner. Jake has been cooking us all 3 meals every day for over a year. The newborn phase for me absolutely necessitated two fried eggs every morning, right away, thank you. I am looking for ways to pitch in now that the baby is older.

It's a new week and a new month and I've got a new job. I'm giving myself a personal sabbatical this summer. So, maybe, oh, until September? October? I'm trying really hard to rest and reflect but I'm doing much better on the former than the later. I'm hoping any important revelations will step forth like roll call and shimmer in front of my eyes on their own accord. I've really sucked at reading any scripture for a while now but I DO see a spiritual director. And she's awesome.

One goal for this month is to actually make time for 5 minutes of yoga every day.
A special oil blend made by a friend,
Slow breaths in and out to a count of 8,
favorite poses like legs up the wall and cat cow,
maybe a psalm (but I'm trying to keep things reasonable.)
It sounds like a good time and routine I'd be grateful to have.

Today, the new library book, with its crinkly plastic cover, made an amazing reflection on the wall as I was reading, and our astute child spotted it immediately. We had a great time making it dance. It looked a bit like a constellation but more like a "Where We Fly" map of the world. I find being intensely in-the-moment is probably the only cure for being bored.

I decided long ago that "a documentation of our days" sounds like too much pressure. But how about a soft place to land some thoughts worth keeping around? And a reason to take more photographs with my nice camera?

This was us a year ago, so I'll have to find something decent and current to share soon.

Love,
Taylor