Diane Keaton has this quote that Jake and I can't help but keep referencing--usually while simultaneously waving a figurative white flag: “Motherhood has completely changed me. It’s just about like the most completely humbling experience that I’ve ever had. I think that it puts you in your place because it really forces you to address the issues that you claim to believe in and if you can’t stand up to those principles when you’re raising a child, forget it.”
Parenting this year (plus one month) has made us question most of our values and choices; weighing what we want, what we say we want, and what our culture tells us we should want.
If pressed to say, I think my favorite part of motherhood has been the chance to dig deep and find an intuition I always hoped would be there. It builds confidence. It's the only way forward I can live with.
Maybe that's why motherhood has made me so homesick and wistful. I was surprised by my weighty desire to be my most true self as a mother. When faced with a parenting or life challenge, I kind of peer into my soul as to ask, "Ok, so what have we got to work with?"
Sure, I've learned a ton. I've changed in ways that will fundamentally add to and rearrange that inner-toolbox-self. I've also looked to many amazing mother role models around me. But I'm still me. And I have to be me. And that makes me very happy.
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