One week

One week from today!

For I am a young girl and you are a man without money ...

Now fine sir, where is it you shall take me?

Is it the mountains high,

or is it the deep blue sea?

Of course I like this song.

Today

6 pm- Olivia texted this to me and I laughed really awkwardly and loud in the hallway at school. I love these two girls so dearly. Praise God that we are relatively health! They will be standing, in one way or another, next to me on my wedding day.

On not dying


The leaves do not fall to their death

they are falling to start a new life.

Today

11 am- The colors on my street.

Yesterday

8 pm- I'd love to tell you this story.

I keep noticing the last things I do

as an unmarried woman ... my last

staff meeting, my last women's group,

my last copy editing class, my last

Wednesday where I work from home

while I catch up on laundry and baking.

But I'm not dying.

Far from it in fact.

Here's to new life!

And here's what I made today.

My own recipe "Pumpkin pumpkin cookies."

1 cup pumpkin puree

1 cup sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/2 cup whole grain flour

1/2 cup Trader Joe's pumpkin pancake mix

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon allspice

1/2 heaping teaspoon of cinnamon

I avoid a mixer as often as possible, this recipe is easy to mix with a fork as long as you do the wet ingredients together first, then the spices, then the flours. Bake for 12 minutes at 350. Try not to eat all the batter.

Ennui

I have slight ennui today.

Come back bright fall sun and vibrant blue sky, red orange yellow leaves.

"This is what the LORD says to the house of Israel,
'Seek me and Live.' "

Amos5:4

Today

8:30 am- Downtown in the morning is oh so charming. I love seeing restaurants wake up with their jazz music that doesn't seem to quite fit but still floats out, and peaceful trucks unload their goods.

Sunday

10:30 am- Breakfast with a great couple. Church. Jake and I made music and rested, rested, rested. I love the Sabbath.

Tonight I realized that my life choices are daunting. To me.

I like a lot of ideas in theory but I'm so afraid to let them become my reality.

My cross is too big, I say, too heavy.

But a small cross is not sufficient for bridging the gap.

I've got to face these things head on, no more can I believe without acting.

Someone once said,

"I've been afraid all my life, but it never stopped me from doing anything."

As I told Harrison,

I felt like a child taking my first step.

And not only because it was being filmed.

I've been watching bands play for about six years now. I've been attending and soaking it all in, essentially taking. And tonight I gave back, tonight was my first show. Under the creative invitation and guidance of Zach, and right alongside Matt. In front of strangers and three of my best friends. Does it get any better?

I filled my first five hours of the day doing a million things, reading, cleaning, being present on my neighborhood streets.

Then I had coffee with a friend who I've been meaning to spend time with for a while, and gushed about fall. The leaves and colors, I can't take it! I'm blessed to witness such beauty.

The show was at Summer Camp, so naturally the picture for today had to be a last look at Jake's bachelor pad:

8 pm

I'm getting to the point where I want life to fast-forward. This is not a new characteristic for me, however I've been at peace about time for a while. Now I want it to fly, as I'm sure it will, if not only through pure intention.

My last note for today is a reflection on mis-matched clothes. Not a new thing for me, either. Stripes, two colors of gray and brown, cut-offs and tights. What I want to say is that I like being surprised by my clothes. I think a lot of people must not be surprised by their clothes because they know what goes with what. But when I dress by feeling, without a plan, clothes teach me that they are capable of far more than we think.

"Action is character, if we never did anything, we wouldn't be anybody."

I think I agree.

Today

4 pm? This monster of a treat, an "investment" if you will, to eat progressively throughout the day, only cost me $1.60 .

Even better was the break from monotony (12 hour Fridays at work) with my friends Kevin and Andy.

Two Today

Today marks two years with my love!
Today it is raining and I wanted to stay in bed all day.
Today has both flown by and been dragging.
Today we're going to "our spot" for a much needed date.
Today I decided to dress up and I got many complements at work.
Today I received high-fives when my coworkers heard that it's my anniversary.
Today we're celebrating love.

*When Jake and I first started dating I told him that I was not the kind of woman who would expect him to read my mind. I told him that what I said I meant and if there was something to say, I wouldn't keep it from him. I told him that my ideal relationship would be one in which someone could order completely for me, because they knew me so well. I'd like to happily report success, this guy knows me.

IOU some pictures

Much better.

That's how I felt last night after my most prayerful yoga class yet. I wasn't nervous about anything in particular yesterday, I couldn't put my finger on anything. It was just a weird mood. And then you know when you get upset about being upset ... but I went to bed feeling much better. And today is so much better.

Today

8 am- Went to celebrate with God at the lake. Walked in front of William in his car, talk about serendipity. I have more than one picture for today.

10:30 am- Met with Jake, you know, my best friend and husband-to-be. I wish pictures could capture how funny things really are. But then again, it's okay.

Tuesday

1 pm- Jake sent this to me via text. I love that he saw this tree and thought of me.

Monday

8 am- This picture can not even capture the magic of this outdoor gallery that I walk by everyday. It's located half a block from my house, en route to the train.

Nerves

"My daughter, preserve sound judgment and discernment,
do not let them out of your sight;
they will be life for you,
an ornament to grace your neck.
Then you will go on your way in safety,
and your foot will not stumble;
when you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet."

Proverbs 3:21-24

I am confident that nobody knows me better than my Creator, and that he has whispered things about me to my love. Almost two years and I still feel like I'm getting to know him. I want to know everything.

Today

This is actually from Friday- cheers with peanut butter cookies on the train.

Saturday

8 pm- Zach and Elspeth came over for dinner, we had stir-fry and love pie. Then we went to Ipsento and had an awesome time. And even after, I stayed out later than normal to hang out with more friends at Matt's house.

Today we had another Sabbath. I'm loving this practice. My heart was celebrating in church, I made pumpkin soup, we ate lots of pie and we wrote our vows!

Then we faced our pride and vanity and prayed that God would fill our life with truly worthwhile things. I am so amazed at the plans God makes for us.

This is for you, Teddy and Dienesa:

"Then this city will bring me renown,

joy, praise, and honor before all nations

on earth that hear of all the good things I

do for it; and they will be in awe and will

tremble at the abundant prosperity and peace

I provide for it."

Jeremiah 33:8-9

This week I am wondering what it really means to be married.

Friday

9 am- I really like this girl. Many of my thoughts posted on here spin from our conversations at work. She is saying, "I'm an apothecary!" and giving me drops of elm and aspen.

Thursday

Noon- I'm finally staring to get good at making pie crust, this was my best one yet! Zach and Elspeth have something to look forward to!

Wednesday

8 am- Another inspiring morning with these amazing women,

and then Jake and I joined bank accounts.

Tuesday

3 pm- My coworker told me that I eat the plainest food.

"For you are great and do marvelous deeds;

you alone are God.

Teach me your way, O LORD,

and I will walk in your truth;

give me an undivided heart,

that I may fear your name."

Psalm 86 found me this week.

(so good!)

Faith

Today

8:30 pm- My soul needed some candles.

Sometimes, at the end of the day,

I can't believe myself.

Thank God, really, thank God

for grace.

I'm working on an opinions piece

for the paper, it's about faith.

I wish I had more.

I wish my faith was more severe.

"Jesus replied, I tell you the truth,

if you have faith as small as a mustard seed,

you can say to this mountain, 'Move from

here to there,' and it will move."

Matthew 17:20

Today

Noon- Picked up the rings. I'm astonished.

Then Jesus said to them,

"The Sabbath was made for man

not man for the Sabbath."

Mark 2:27

Today

11 am, My landlord turned the heat on! I made made my dad's tea blend and for the first time I saw a man in the abandoned apartments across the courtyard.

Friday

9 am, It is my belief that all Chicagoans become bagladies and bagmen.

Thursday

8 am, A very rainy day from my homestop on the el.

Wednesday

7 am, Our first pumpkin lattes of the season. They're so sweet I normally only get one a year, I probably look forward to it more than Christmas morning.

One picture a day.

For one month.

Thanks to a coworker who once

told me to try real sushi,

I now feel challenged to try this.

I love documenting life. It's true. I hope to someday look back and remember little details of life that might otherwise go forgotten... to wherever forgotten things go. So, as Wednesday was exactly one month away from our wedding, I decided to start a project.

Life in the questions

Out of the perfect storm of an increasingly disappointing column in our paper, my own expectations which said column does not live up to, my belief that a whole lot more could be done with that column, and a great conversation with my co-worker and friend--the question of time and purpose for questions.

I value tradition, I value the collected knowledge of centuries before us, I value questioning what you're handed and making it relevant to your life, I value what people believe and I want to hear it. I want to know what they really, truly, down in their gut, believe. I'm so tired of post-modern, self-created, empty religion. I'm not sure we have much faith in our world left--and my friend asks me if people can't just "be" if they can't find their purpose in the question.

I'm really not sure. As a person with so many questions, so much need to verify what I'm told, I still think questions are places of transition, not of settling. There is solid truth and my heart breaks for the people who settle for less. But she tells them to grant their beliefs, and I want to, but I want for them something deeper than constant questioning.