No Answers

"And forgive us our debts,

as we forgive our debtors."

Matthew 16:24

I don't have any answers right now.

I had a great weekend with babies and ancient México and The Virgin of Guadalupe.

But this morning, like many before it, and I'm sure many to come, I find mostly questions.

God has given me a lot of nice reminders.

Gently, like a Father, He points again and again to the things I should know,

the things which should be so ingrained in me, that I exude them without trying.

But just last week I was praying for help to pray.

This is the foundation for my relationship.

I felt like the rug was being pulled from under me.

I need lots of help to love, to forgive.

Things I want to be so ingrained in me that I exude them and glorify God.

So He saw my need, knew it before I asked, and pointed in His Word.

"Now about brotherly love we do not need to write you,

for you yourselves have been taught by God

to love each other."

1Thessalonians4:9

I don't have any answers, the book of perfection is not in me. But what a great example.

God leads me step by step.

Today I am writing, not from a zenith of realization, but from the bottom of the hike.

I have questions inside me, questions which throw their selves around like lions fighting.

What I've done to pacify them this far is love and forgive. I still think that's most important.

But there comes a time to understand.

Daily I am confronted with the dark past I accept as a Christian.

People have done such horrible things in the name of God, and I take those things on in my history, because I'm not perfect either. I forgive those people and I love them, my ancestors.

But multiple times a day, I have to see the hurt in people's lives, caused by a misrepresentation of my God, who hurts too.

Daily I study the history of people and how organized religion was so far off track.

I look all around the case for signs of God making good out of His people's mistakes.

I accept that my people were corrupt and wrong, but I love them and forgive them.

How else can I understand?

What can I know to undo the wrong in my friend's lives?

Basically: how can I turn around the history of the world a make it all better... right?

I'm starting at the bottom.

At prayer.

I really won't be able to do anything - but God.

Always, always, always - but God.

So I'm starting with Him, praying and loving and learning.

I have no idea where I am going to go with this, but I'm documenting the start.

(Thanks to my friend John Thompson for this picture. Méxicans sticking to their roots.)