Today, I am feeling very young. I feel green, twiggy, wick.

There are so many older women whom I look up to, but perhaps looking up for too long made me dizzy. Because I look back down and am sometimes confused to find that I am not 29, I am not a mother, I'm just starting my career, I'm not 25, I'm not even 22.

Inspired by a brainstorming session at work yesterday, I came home brimming with excitement at the though of seeing Jake mature as a godly man.

He already is such a role model to me, he is profoundly thoughtful and he is diligent in prayer. But he is still so young! And for now, it's perfect.

Today, being young and having so far to go is perfect!

The sight of adventures and growing pains is endearing. Recently, I've been far too afraid to face those adventures. And who can be both worrisome and productive at once? Not I.

So today, I resolve to enjoy life's hardships (and joys) as I grow up along side the love of my life. Now is our time. I will rejoice in our youth.

7:01 am - a rush of rain (and maybe even hail) comes flying through our windows. i look at the clock.

7:01:15 am - i'm out of bed, running the perimeter of our home to close all of the windows.

7:02 am - Jake asks, "what's going on?" i respond, "so much rain, wild isn't it?"

7:02 am - i proceed to the bathroom to close the window and notice it's already closed. i ask, "Jake, did you just close this window?" he answers, "yeah, what's going on?" i respond, "so much rain." and think to myself, silly man.

7:03 am - we both lie back in bed, hold hands, and smile at the booming thunder.

7:04 am - from the look of our windows, it appears our building is going through a car wash. i pretend that is what's happening for a moment, until another shout of thunder shakes our floor.

i drove by myself Saturday.

through 30 miles of corn.

and i loved feeling comfortable behind the wheel.

over the hills. tail of dust.

and i wondered about this world grain.

i wondered where it would end up.

in your cereal bowl?

sweetening your cola?

feeding your will-be hamburger?

the opportunities are endless, really.

and inspired by such opportunity,

i turned on the local country music station.

yes, yes i did.

As summer continues on its merciless plunder of hours, all the while seeming to attract my friends' angry fists to the skies for heat's sake, a few tasks have delivered themselves to the top of my priorities.

One of those tasks was walking with my friends to a 7-11, and taking the responsibility to convince them that as vengeful as their hearts are to the heat, winter would not in reality be as sweet as it sounds. I enjoy too much the ability to walk outside barefoot with nary a layer. We collectively proceeded to indulge in slurpee samples and final purchases:

Another activity was an appropriately long Saturday morning at the coffee shop with Ashley. I left inspired to make homemade frappés, which Jake and I sipped while dancing to Iron & Wine.

An unseasonable priority was preparing my hands-down, breath-takingly favorite macaroni and cheese over a hot stove, purely because I'd craved it for weeks. Do yourself the favor: Melt 3 tablespoons of butter, whisk in 3 tablespoons of flour, whisk in 1 cup of milk and 0.5 cups of alfredo sauce, add 3 cups of shredded cheddar on top of it all and allow to melt, whisk in 1 tablespoon of cayenne pepper and 1 tablespoon of nutmeg, combine sauce with 1 pound cooked whole grain noodles. Savor.

Other ways to handle the heat have included a jaunt to the air-conditioned movie theater for cheap matinees, OR exchanging songs with international students during a brilliant lightning storm, OR spending six hours in bed (where I may or may not have eaten said macaroni and cheese) just reading The Virgin Suicides in front of our box fan.

And now, a photo of my darling by which to remember this season in our life:

"Perhaps the rough distinction is this: The voice of the subconscious argues with you, tries to convince you; but the inner voice of God does not argue, does not try to convince you. It just speaks and it is self-authenticating. It has the feel of the voice of God within it."

- E. Stanley Jones

I recently read a book by Dallas Willard about how to hear God. It hardly answered any of my questions, rather it pointed me to even better questions. This is a very good thing.