The First Year

Here, this is cute:

Diane Keaton has this quote that Jake and I can't help but keep referencing--usually while simultaneously waving a figurative white flag: “Motherhood has completely changed me. It’s just about like the most completely humbling experience that I’ve ever had. I think that it puts you in your place because it really forces you to address the issues that you claim to believe in and if you can’t stand up to those principles when you’re raising a child, forget it.”

Parenting this year (plus one month) has made us question most of our values and choices; weighing what we want, what we say we want, and what our culture tells us we should want.

If pressed to say, I think my favorite part of motherhood has been the chance to dig deep and find an intuition I always hoped would be there. It builds confidence. It's the only way forward I can live with.

Maybe that's why motherhood has made me so homesick and wistful. I was surprised by my weighty desire to be my most true self as a mother. When faced with a parenting or life challenge, I kind of peer into my soul as to ask, "Ok, so what have we got to work with?"

Sure, I've learned a ton. I've changed in ways that will fundamentally add to and rearrange that inner-toolbox-self. I've also looked to many amazing mother role models around me. But I'm still me. And I have to be me. And that makes me very happy.

Hey there.

Hey, here I am. A mere four and a half years later.

So much has (predictably) happened since I closed down this blog. I could try to catch up on all of it. But wouldn't it be nicer to just start with today?

Today, I took the baby to story time at the library. Oh yes--there is a baby. Praise God for that baby.

The entire city library system was down but my dear librarian, Emma, still let us check out books. She said she'll have to go back and enter them all manually later. Yikes! Now that's a librarian. I picked up an easy, engrossing book to compliment the parenting book I'm reading. Gotta finish them both quick before my next book is available at the library. It's for the new book club I've joined, which means I have a deadline, and I heard it's not thin.

Today, I was thankful to have healthy lunch ingredients on hand and I also made dinner. Jake has been cooking us all 3 meals every day for over a year. The newborn phase for me absolutely necessitated two fried eggs every morning, right away, thank you. I am looking for ways to pitch in now that the baby is older.

It's a new week and a new month and I've got a new job. I'm giving myself a personal sabbatical this summer. So, maybe, oh, until September? October? I'm trying really hard to rest and reflect but I'm doing much better on the former than the later. I'm hoping any important revelations will step forth like roll call and shimmer in front of my eyes on their own accord. I've really sucked at reading any scripture for a while now but I DO see a spiritual director. And she's awesome.

One goal for this month is to actually make time for 5 minutes of yoga every day.
A special oil blend made by a friend,
Slow breaths in and out to a count of 8,
favorite poses like legs up the wall and cat cow,
maybe a psalm (but I'm trying to keep things reasonable.)
It sounds like a good time and routine I'd be grateful to have.

Today, the new library book, with its crinkly plastic cover, made an amazing reflection on the wall as I was reading, and our astute child spotted it immediately. We had a great time making it dance. It looked a bit like a constellation but more like a "Where We Fly" map of the world. I find being intensely in-the-moment is probably the only cure for being bored.

I decided long ago that "a documentation of our days" sounds like too much pressure. But how about a soft place to land some thoughts worth keeping around? And a reason to take more photographs with my nice camera?

This was us a year ago, so I'll have to find something decent and current to share soon.

Love,
Taylor

Closing Shop

Dear friends,
After quite a few years blogging here, I'm closing shop. I've been journaling since I could write, and journaling online since high school. But I'm increasingly less comfortable with the internet, and also craving more real paper and ink in my life. My writing has drastically changed since studying and working in journalism, as well as blogging, and I'm hoping this change will heal that. I've been told I like/need solid "closure" in my life and making this final post is it.

I still fully support bloggers and creative, internet pursuits. A personal blog is just not for me right now.
I plan to keep up my new food blog because it's a different kind of venture. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Knowing that most of you who read this blog are my real life friends, neighbors, colleagues ... and mom!, I want to say thank you for following me to this little corner of the internet, and thank you for supporting my creativity. Truly.

Now let's go to Barnes & Noble or something :)

Birthdays!

These cold months are full of new years for us.

Nov. 7 -- New year married.
Nov. 27 -- New Christian year beginning with Advent.
Jan. 1 -- New Year in the western calendar of months.
Jan. 13 -- New year of life for Jake.
Jan. 18 -- New year of life for me.

We had some friends over to celebrate the later two events.



It was a little funny asking to everyone to sing me happy birthday. But I loved dishing out the goods.



And I really love a house full of friends.
(Credit for photos of us goes to friend Colin. Which I appreciate so much!)

O Gracious Light

O gracious Light,
pure brightness of the everliving Father in heaven,
O Jesus Christ, holy and blessed!
Now as we come to the setting of the sun,
and our eyes behold the vesper light,
we sing your praises, O God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
You are worthy at all times to be praised by happy voices,
O Son of God, O Giver of life,
and to be glorified through all the worlds.


We read this, the oldest recorded hymn outside the Bible, at our small group once a week. I can't think of a better way to praise God for the beauty we have in snow.
The Lord has put the idea of "purity" on my mind this month. It's something I honestly don't think much about. But I've been feeling the burden on my heart to seek cleanliness (not just righteousness or goodness) and to be free of mixed motives. The snow is such a good reminder of that. If you haven't sought purity in a while, I highly recommend it. The Lord has been so good to restore me, I want to whisper reverent proclamations to even the tiniest mite.