Here, I feel like I own the morning. I love the silent presence of my roommates all asleep at 7 am and I love all the time I have to read and sit and sometimes do precisely nothing. For both physical and emotional reasons, I can't ever sleep past 7:30.
The other day I actually used that dusty snooze button. I had been up all nigh with my cough and 7 am wasn't going to happen. It was the strangest feeling, I felt like I was cheating on something. It was like skipping class, I felt both justified and guilty.
I've had my fair share of all-nighters, I mean, I did go to high school. But I get tired just thinking about them. I get tired from hearing people talk about staying up late. I can't seem to relate to the mentality that life happens in the dark. It's like a night club I stand outside of and stand on my toes to peer into.
Yesterday was especially hard because I knew I'd be up late, the idea was haunting me from the future. I haven't slept solid in two weeks because of a cough and after working into the midnight Tuesday, the last thing I wanted was to stay up on Wednesday.
I did it, though. I covered a CAPS meeting at 7 and proceeded to start a whole other broadcast at 11:00 pm! And although this may be a fleeting acceptance... I don't think it was horrible. I believe the guys I worked with seeped some of their energy into me. I absorbed it almost osmotically.
I didn't feel great about it this morning, but as time progresses I feel the rhythm.
I feel like I was there when night spilled into morning and I haven't missed a beat.
I feel so in tune with everything around me and the world's greater spinning amongst it.
I feel like I've been squinting my whole life and now my eyes are fully open.
I feel the rush of life but I'm triple aware of it's fragility.
Swelling tidal of
Life's great momentum, 'til it
Collides with the shore.
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