I've been going to an Episcopal church for over a year now
and really celebrating Advent makes Christmas truly
special, in a whole new way, this year.
I am so thankful, maybe more thankful than on Thanksgiving.
I read an interesting Bible passage this morning,
it's about both Jesus coming to our world
and our due response,
very post-Christmas appropriate I think.
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
human likeness."
Phillipians 2:5-7
You see, I have very big faith.
I believe God still works miracles in our world,
I believe He has a great plan that somehow
allows us to live free but also in His great care.
I see Him all over my broken, dirty city,
I feel His deep love among my friends.
The problem is that all of my faith
comes to an abrupt stop at me and my life.
As I fervently pray that God will use me,
-use me please!-
I never believe He actually will.
I never expect God to really take over or
make things happen for me.
What? Why?
I'm like the disciples, praying that
one of them would be spared from death,
and when he comes knocking on their door,
as they pray, they still assume he must be a ghost.
What I need to be like is Mary.
Mary had to believe the utterly impossible,
that she would bear a child.
As I sit here,
in the pit of disbelief,
I am reminded of a quote that says, roughly:
"to have confidence in yourself is to have
confidence in the God in you."
I am telling myself that over and over.
Because all I see are my broken parts,
the areas where I lack or "need to grow,"
I don't see anything strong enough for God to use.
That's the key, I suppose. The more broken I am,
the more she shines through, because if He uses me
it will most definitely not look like anything I can do alone.
I want as big of faith as I have for everyone else
to come into my faith for my own life.
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