I was buzzing around the grocery store, like I so adore to do, and this older man walked up to me with a very intent look in his eyes. "Are you an actress?" I thought he was going for something along the lines of celebrity so I said, "no, sorry." He stood there. "Oh, darn. I am doing a movie and you'd be perfect for the role." My skepticism and naivete both flared. I told him I was flattered, and thank you, and that I used to act but I haven't in years. "Aha," he said. The whole time I was trying to assess if he was for real or a joke. He handed me a folded casting call and I told him I'd have to talk it over with my husband.
One the train home I skimmed the casting call for some sign. It said a few scenes were already finished but they still needed the lead actress and she must live on X and X streets ... my exact address! I texted all of my real acting friends and asked them for advice. The weird thing is the role was for a woman 30-35 years old. Me? 35? Please. But I wanted to believe it. I wanted to be deemed special.
I closed my eyes and before I could ask God a thing, the word "No" pressed heavy on me. Its presence filled around me.
The truth is, among my other insecurities, I've always been jealous of my theater friends who are studying their craft and performing still. I didn't do the same because I didn't believe I could. I was afraid I'd never reach their caliber, so I never tried. This was my chance to be one of them again. So I toyed with the idea for a long time. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I should walk way from my golden calf.
I think the devil loves flattery. It appeals to our pride. And when someone is beginning ministry work, he'll pull out all the stops to distract her.
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