greater things

I'm going to break some new ground here.

I'm going to talk about

obsessive compulsive disorder.

Namely, mine.

Because I'm at the end of my rope, and

I have a feeling (I hope) blogging will

do me some good. Or, in the chance

someone can commiserate, I really hope

it will do them some good.

I journal about this privately, I talk with

Jake about it and sometimes I share it

with friends. But in those cases, my thought

feels like dusty, old, non-news.

Journalists hate non-news.

So I'm hoping that blogging will air these

used rags out. I'm desperate to approach

it in a new way.

I also have to say I was very inspired by

this fine lady and superb writer, Meg.

She has long been writing about something

like this, her own hurdle.

But are they really so different? Everyone

has a mountain to climb. And some of us

wake up to the same mountain every morning.

I stare mine down daily, in hopes of blazing a

trail with my eyes.

One of the qualities that makes OCD

so hard to decipher is that it's such

an all-encompassing element for me.

OCD often effects (sometimes

determines) how I approach my job,

my priorities and my faith.

It would be wonderful to someday be

able to distinguish between what's

really me and what's imposed on me.

Another thing I question is if recovery

is an actual possibility. I used to think

so. I have experienced great moments

of relief thanks to prayer. But at times,

I can only hope to find a way to live

around this ... or in it but not under it.

It might always be a part of me.

Then, what now?

Oh, my friends, I hope to discover.