My job is incredible. I wake up in the morning knowing what a privilege it is to walk with people through prayer and reading holy scripture, or to walk with them and grab a milkshake.
I ask a lot of people a lot of questions. About their faith, about their doubt, about how their heart and mind is navigating it all. I follow-up on those conversations weeks later, so these people know they are remembered and that I care about their growth.
I do not fancy myself an expert. Mostly I think people just need someone to walk with them through life, more than they need answers. (Though I study a lot for the occasions when that would serve someone well.)
I would never desire that caring for others should feel like a job, but because it is my job, sometimes I find myself there. Ministering to people does not stop when I clock out. Not that I have a computer to clock out of anyway. Outside of my "9 to 5"... or 4 to 9, or 10 to 12 and 3 to 7 ... it's a part of my role as a sister, daughter, wife, friend and citizen to minister to many other people, without getting paid for it. And sometimes I get grumpy about that.
Sometimes, like one time in particular, which affected the darling man I married.
It's a beautiful thing that this blog is a record of where God has met me. I need this reminder often.
I always want to remember this time.
This time, we were driving home from a wildly successful weekend of ministry. Our exhaustion became more acute the closer we got to home. Jake was in need of some t.l.c. and I was tired from giving hundreds of people t.l.c. all weekend. Imagine some slammed car doors and long silent walk down the street under the evening mist.
"Jesus, I think I did enough of your work over the weekend. Can't I pass on caring for Jake in this situation? I don't think I should be required to work after hours."
"Taylor, your paradigm is backward. Doing ministry is not a job, it is a blessing. Caring for people can be life-giving, and I want you to figure that out, because I want you to stick with this work."
Just like that.
After asking God for four months if I should stick with InterVarsity beyond this internship year.
I will never cease to be amazed at how God takes very ugly moments in my life and my heart, and turns them into pure gold and wisdom.
Gosh - I often find it hard to give of myself "after hours" and it isn't even my job to give of myself on the clock. I think you're doing alright. ; )
ReplyDeletewhew, been there! (not in terms of the whole husband thing, but you know what i mean!) good to hear about how the Lord is stretching you, sister.
ReplyDeleteIs it weird that I've come to your blog a couple times just to look at that picture on your header? You guys are too dang cute.
ReplyDelete